Crush

Chapter Seven

I'VE BEENS SOOOOO BRORED. my results ae coming out in 2 days. RIP me

PLEASE RED CAREFULLY OR SKIP THIS CHAPTER. CONTAINS EXT THAT MIGHT BE TRIGGERING. p.s  Dm me if you need someone to talk to. Ill be there for you

I held the small and sharp piece of metal in my hand, contemplating my choices as I sat on my bed. Its hinges were creaking due to the way my body was shaking while I was crying.

You can stop now Louis. Four days, that could be a new achievement. It doesn't have to be this way.

And for a second, I agreed to the positive side of me but then the memories of the hatred in my mum's eyes made me give up and I pressed the blade on my upper wrist, feeling the cold metal pierce through. Repeating it again, and again until I felt calm.

The cuts were deep and I knew they were deep enough to be there for the rest of my life, adding to the gallery of scars, each displaying the terrible pain, worse than any physical pain. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and all that was left was a hollow place. Nothing could replace my heart which made me scared. Scared that the pain would always be there. It would be there during every rising sun and every night I had to go to sleep praying that I somehow don't wake up ever again.

I just sat there for the rest of the night, or should I say morning. Time seemed to pass by and soon the alarm clock rang and I realized it was half-past six. Even then I was rocking myself to calm down because I hadn't stopped crying for the past 2 hours. Time to pretend to wake up. I smirked through my tear stained face.

I sat with my head against the headboard, deep in thoughts. Was it so hard to see the scars? They were in plain sight. I wanted mum and dad to see them so that they could get me help. I needed help. I wanted to get better but it was so hard. So hard that every time I say to myself that I wouldn't do this again, I find myself standing in front of the mirror, telling myself that I can do it but you can only lie so much.

The sky was dark today, black clouds hovering over the usually clear but cold sky. It seemed as if the weather was parallel to my mood, clear and happy at one and the next second dark, blocking out any source of light, of hope.

The walk to the school was long and today it seemed longer because of the weather. I was lost in my thoughts. It did sometimes worry me how differently I act in school, how one has ever seen me sad or seen me cry when my own 'friends' made fun of me. It was as if no one has ever seen the real me. I always try to make others happy, make them laugh but I was scared that someday I might break.

My thoughts were rudely interrupted when something soft hit my head from behind. I turned around to see who was so active –this early in the morning when I came face to face with the one person I hate just as much as my dad. Evis. She was one of those sporty, weightlifting girls with huge muscles.

"Ah, Tommie. Just the person I was looking for" Evis grunted, adjusting the backpack which hung on her shoulder. I looked into her eyes and the only emotion they displayed was cruelty and hate.

"Evis, I'm not doing your fucking project again. I have my own shit to do" I spoke with attitude. I didn't want to come off as weak and fragile. I wanted to be known to defend myself, which I tried. At the moment I was deeply regretting this because the next instant I was pinned against the nearby tree. A fist was making its way to my face and I got ready to face the face the pain. Let me tell you this:

It fucking hurt.

My backpack was snatched from me and flung right on top of the tree, now soaking in the morning dew.

"See you in class Lewis" She smirked at me, knowing that I'll surely be getting detention for being late and not having my books with me. I just sat there, limp, while she got back on her bicycle and headed towards North High. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to get my bag. I was too fucking short. Don't forget that you're a quitter too.

I sat there, I don't know for how long. What were others thinking? Scratch that, I didn't even want to know that. I hand suddenly grasped my shoulder. I panicked.

"No please Evis I've had enough. Give me your goddamn project, I'll do it" I pleaded. I was sure I already had a black eye from the previous hit.

"Louis?" A deep, but kind voice spoke softly.

I lifted my gaze up, only to be met by a pair of gentle green eyes.