Story of Dreams

Dream 14

Image above is Matt Lanter as Trevor

xoxo.

I walked into Tilly's with no expectations. I just felt like browsing today; I could use some new clothes but I wasn't sure what I was looking for entirely. I loved this store though, minus the absurd pricing, they had great clothes. The store was a Cali style surfer/skater look and had the best casually cute, slightly too revealing but still hot as hell kind of looks for girls. I was looking at a pair of jeans when one of the employees walked up to me.

"Hey welcome to Tilly's. Do you need help looking for anything today?" he asked me. I turned towards him and took in his 6'1" height, his gorgeous tan, pretty brown eyes and his mixed brown hair. Boy was he a sight for sore eyes.

"No thanks, I'm just browsing," I said smiling back at him.

"Of course, let me know if you need help with anything!" he said and he walked away.

I smiled, and then looked down at myself. Wow, the day I decided to look like a homeless person is the day I run into a gorgeous guy. I was wearing my favorite cream white hoodie, a pair of jeans that were slightly too short and were showing my ankles, even though I'm crazy short, and my favorite vans with awkward length socks that you could see. Whoops. I rolled my eyes at myself, I'm not looking for anything anyways. I continued to look around and picked out a few items I was considering trying on. I was looking at a cute grey top, when the guy came around again.

"Would you like me to get a fitting room started for you?" he asked showing his pearly whites.

I hesitated for a second, "Yeah sure thank you!" I said sweetly.

"It's no problem. What's your name?" he asked as he was about to walk away.

I blanked. I couldn't help but look at his gorgeous face that I practically forgot my own name. "Maria!" I rushed out. God why am I so awkward sometimes.

"Alright Maria, I'll go take these over, just holler for me when you want your room okay?" he said.

I just nodded in response because I was slightly too captivated in his smile to really get my brain to operate. He winked at me and walked towards the back. I mentally swooned, and then shook my head. No, this is nothing, he's just some cute guy from a store. There are a million cute guys all over the world. I don't need anything now. But it also doesn't cause any harm to just appreciate what God made in some people. I stopped the battle going on through my head and started to look around again. I strolled through the store looking at the gorgeous girls that worked here, looking like they came straight out of a catalogue. No, stop this train of thoughts right now, I'm not about to get down on myself right now. I didn't care what I looked like this morning so I shouldn't care now.

If you haven't gathered yet, I struggle really hard with self-appearance. I can't but help look at other girls and just wish for what they have. I'm a short Puerto Rican girl, with hips and an ass and sort of a tummy that isn't really close to being flat at all. I have long-ish brown crazy curly hair, and dark brown eyes. Nothing about mean screams "Sexy" in my opinion. I have fat thighs, so no thigh gap, a big waist line, no bikini bridge. I struggle with my image a lot. I'm really trying to stop it, mainly because I've been going in and out of eating disorders and depression, and I know in the end I should be happy with what I have, but when you're constantly the girl on the sidelines it can get really hard to be appreciative to these things. Being young you don't get fed that curvy girls are the pretty girls, it's all about the slim fitting girls and blondes with blue eyes who can do their make up just perfectly and have straight hair that is never out of place. So it's been really hard for me to be comfortable with myself.