"you don't understand. i need this. i need to win. without the gold, i am worthless."
when luna bakken, scandinavian's sweetheart, crosses paths with nathan chen, america's quad king, everything seems to change
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FIVE || don't wanna cry
Sometimes Luna questioned the reason why she decided to become a professional skier. Where was the appeal? The practices were grueling, especially with Aksel as a mentor. She always had to watch what she ate and she constantly had to worry about the Norwegian media portraying her in a negative light.
Her fear of failure was created because of the all the pressures that came with the sport. The last thing Luna Bakken wanted to do was disappoint anyone whether it be the entirety of Norway or just Aksel. She wanted to please everyone and the perfectionist quality in her personality hurt her mental state more than anything.
However, she could retire from the sport completely if that's what she wished. Aksel gave her that option the moment she entered the sport competitively. If there was any point of time where she thought she couldn't continue then it could be over with two simple words.
"I'm done."
And lately, Luna had been thinking about those two words often. She wasn't sure if it was because the Olympics were adding stress to her everyday routine or because she was falling out of love with the sport, but she was debating on ending the only thing that kept her sane.
But she couldn't help but wonder what if. What if her life was passing her by because she was too focused on skiing? What opportunities was she missing out on? Could her life mean something more if she gave up her skis for good?
Luna had always been passionate about writing and her dream was to attend college for journalism in the United States, but she knew that wouldn't be possible with her chaotic schedule. Besides, she had to stay in Norway. She couldn't leave Hedwig or Aksel, the only two people in the world whom she believed truly loved her, behind. Without them, Luna would not live long.
So in summary, Luna didn't seem to have a choice. Skiing was the only thing she knew. She couldn't just give that up because she had feelings of stress and anxiety.
"Have you been sleeping?" Aksel asked her three days after she told Hedwig and Alex about Jonas. He noticed how aloof the young girl seemed to be as she sat across from him in a small restaurant in the Olympic village. She was not eating as much as she normally would and the dark circles under her eyes were starting to become more prominent.
No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't possibly lie to her mentor. He would see right through her; however, she was willing to take the risk.
Luna shrugged. "I'm sleeping okay. It's just that since we are in Korea and we've been really busy preparing for practices and competitions, I haven't been able to take as many naps as I normally do."
