Four

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Dear Diary,
Ik I haven't wrote in a long time but it's because I'm dealing with some things and I've been busy.

Anyway,Recently I've been thinking about cutting myself again,but because of having to wear shorts for cheerleading they would get noticed and I can't do it on my wrist because people could also see it.Im not sure what I should do I've been clean for months but I just feel so fucking alone and I just want this pain inside of me to go away.

I have no one I can actually talk to about what I'm going through so I just keep it inside,but I can tell it's all about to pour out soon.

I've also been having a lot of anxiety attacks lately and I'm not sure why.

A few months back I started talking to my friend about my problems but I think I annoyed him or maybe I'm just not good enough because now he's ignoring me and I have no one to talk to so I just have to keep all of my emotions and problems to myself all while looking happy on the outside.

It seems like every time I get the chance to be happy or something good could possibly happen I always end up fucking things up.

Why do I have to be so stupid?

I really just wanna go on a walk right now and not come back until the end of the day even though it's 1AM.

Anyway,that's all for now I guess I'll write to you later.
~Bella

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