Believe || langst

chapter 1

I love the rainy days. Most people dont like the rain. It can ruin a perfect day but it can be so beatiful. How the rain looks and sounds is just so relaxing to me. I wish people who hates it could see the beauty In the rain. Today is a rainy day. I sit in my room looking out the window watching the rain.

I look at my wrist. Their is blood trickling down from New cuts. The blood looks like the rain trickling down the window to. The blood isn' like the rain though. Blood ain't beautiful and relaxing like the rain.

I better go wrap up my wrist again I think. I go to my bathroom to get some bandages. After I wrap my wrist up I look in the mirror. My eyes are blood shot and my cheeks are red from crying. I look awful.

No one loves me. I shouldn't be alive. My friends don't like me. They think I'm just a loser. If they find out about me actually not being happy they will leave me. Just kill yourself. I hate these thoughts. I just wish they would get out of my head.

These thoughts ain't happy. I want to be happy and enjoy things that teens do. Things just can't get happy for a person in just one day and I know that. I wish it could be that way though. Then I wouldn't have to put mask on and do an act for the ones I love. Acting like some else that your not is hard but if I act like I do by myself no one would want to be around me. No one likes being around someone sad all the time.

"Dinners ready! Come and eat!" I hear my mother calling down stairs. Before I go down to get I grab my favorite olive green jacket to cover my bandaged arms. When I walk out of my room I see my little sister grace running down the stairs.

My family is pretty big with 4 siblings. We only have mom though. Dad left after Grace turned one. We found out he was also with another women so I'm kinda glad that he left but the 2 littlest siblings grace and sander never got to know him. We always have momma. She the best momma we all could have. She always patience and kind to all of us even if we do stress her out some times. The 2 oldest are Jasmine and Noah. Noah don't live with us no more and Jasmine don't stay here a lot.

When I get down stairs I see Noah and grace sitting at the table. There is a place between then were I sit. I look over and see momma making a plate for them. "Hey momma." I smile and say to her. "Hi baby. You ready to eat?"

I go over and make a bowl of  spaghetti. After that I go sit in my seat. "Hey you little demons!" I ruffle Noahs and Graces hair. "Don't do that lance!" Grace says. "Don't be so mean to me! I'm just showing you both love" "that ain't how you show love"Noah says. I laugh they can be a little mean Sometimes but I love them.

Momma comes and sits their plates down. "You all shush and start eating" momma go's and sits down at the end of the table. We all start to eat. Jasmine isn't here again. "Jasmine is never here for dinner no more" I say "I know but she likes to eat at her boyfriends." I wish she would at least come to dinner sometimes.

After I eat I go to take a shower. I say goodnight to everyone before I got to my room. I grab my pajamas and head to the shower.  I start to unwrap the bandages from my wrist. My arms are covered with cuts and scars. I think in one cut I could end it all. Only reason I haven't killed my self yet is because I know my siblings and momma couldn't go through the pain of losing me. Also maybe my friends would miss me or maybe they would be happy so they don't have to deal with by dumb ass. As I get in the shower my cuts start to burn. It would be relaxing to take a shower but it just stings.

I get out of the shower and make sure I wrap my arms back up. I put on a long sleeve shirt so you can't see my arms. Even though I do shut my door when I go to sleep I ain't gonna take a risk of anyone coming in why I'm a sleep.

Before I go to bed I go put my phone on charge. Usually my friend hunk texts me to make sure I'm going to school. I hate school so much. It just makes me more depressed because I have to make sure I keep my grades up.                        

Only reason that school can be kinda nice is I get to see my friends. I'm grateful to have such nice friends. They try not to leave me out of stuff and they are really funny. I hate to lie to them about me being depressed but I'm afraid that they would leave me. Maybe I could tell them one day but they would probably find out about one day.

I turn out the lights and get into bed. As I'm going to sleep I think maybe tomorrow will be a good day. Probaly not but I can just wish for it to be.

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                  A/n
I hope you all like the first chapter! I know it ain't that good but I might improve later on!