Forever

Part 13

Sarah didn't get much sleep, but she had done a lot of thinking. Nick deserved to be heard out. She sent him a text saying she was thinking of him and they could talk later that night. She knew it was the right decision because as soon as she hit send, a weight lifted off her shoulders.

Caro was still sleeping, so Sarah quietly crept out of bed to have a quick shower. After that, she head to the kitchen. It was a mess, food containers everywhere. She cleaned up, made herself something to eat. Once she was curled up on the couch, food on her lap, she checked her phone. Nick had responded.

'Thank you, mami', the text read, 'I'm so sorry I made you cry. I will explain everything. I love you. You're the only one for me". 

Sarah bit her lip, fighting back tears. She hated this feeling. She felt out of control and lost. She had no idea how to feel this way. She was always in control. Caro padded into the living room, flopping down beside Sarah.

Sarah told her about texting Nick. 

"Oh, good, mama", Caro said, "I'm totally team Sarah, but I think you got yourself a good guy. Not just because I trust my brother's judgement in choosing his best friend, but because I've seen the two of you together. He adores you".

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel" Sarah confessed. "I know he loves me. That's not even a question in my mind. But, this whole lifestyle. I don't know if it's for me".

"Tell him everything you're telling me. If he doesn't know how you are struggling with all of this, how can he help you?".

Sarah smiled at her friend, feeling much better. "Look at you! All wise and mature and stuff".

Caro shrugged. "It's what I do".

The girls giggled and hugged. "Thank you", Sarah said. "You're the best best friend ever!"

They hung out for the rest of the day, until it was time for Sarah to meet up with Nick. 

"Do you want me to wait for you here?" Caro asked

"I'll be ok. Go home, get some rest. Let's do dinner tomorrow? My treat?"

"I'm not one to turn down free food! But, text me later and let me know how it goes".

Sarah promised she would, walking her to the door, and kissing her goodbye. When she was gone, she picked up her phone to text Nick, telling him he could come over whenever he was ready. He replied, telling her he'd be there in 30 minutes. 

She waited nervously, checking her appearance in the mirror several times before going outside to wait for him. She was sitting on her front steps when he pulled up. He approached her, sitting beside her, wanting to kiss her so badly, but not knowing if she wanted the same.

"Hey" she said, quietly, playing with the sleeves of her shirt. She didn't look him in the eye, afraid she would cry again if she did. 

"Hey" he said back. "You ok?"

She nodded yes, then no, eyes filling with tears. He couldn't help himself. He reached for her, pulling her into an embrace. She cried as he held her tightly, kissing the top of her head. In the seven months they'd been dating, he'd never seen her cry. She felt fragile, like she'd break if he squeezed to hard. He hated that he was the reason for this.

When she finally pulled away, he wiped her tears from her cheeks, pushing her hair away from her face. She closed her eyes, giving into his touch.

"Can I tell you what happened?" he asked, cautiously. When she nodded, he continued. He told her that Ann was there when he got there. He'd had no idea she was in town. She came onto him and he rejected her. He didn't know who took the photos, but they definitely skewed the story.  He explained that he was asleep when she called him, not cheating on her. "I was so tired. I was pissed because of Ann, and I missed you. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but I did".

She listened quietly, absorbing everything he was saying.

"And, then you wouldn't talk to me. I came home early to fix it and you were gone. When I came home and you weren't there, I felt sick, mami. It scared the shit out of me. Look at me. I haven't slept. I need to know you're ok".

"So, maybe you know a little bit of how I feel", Sarah answered. "I haven't slept either. And not because I'm worried that someone is mad at me, but because I'm worried the man I love cheated on me. With a woman he knows I don't like". 

He reached for her, but she stood, avoiding his touch. "I don't know if I'm made for this life, Nick", she continued. "I've always been so proud of how sure I was of myself. I always considered myself a strong, independent woman. But, you've pulled the rug out from under me. I have no idea who I am anymore. I feel like I've lost control and for what?! To be humiliated? To be forgotten as soon as you go away? I won't chase you from city to city so I know you aren't cheating on me. And, I won't stay up at night, wondering what you're doing. I can't".

He stood, grabbing her arms before she could move away. He held her in place. "I know it's not easy being a part of this world. Shit, it's my world and I hate it sometimes. But, it's part of being with me. We've talked about this before. If I'm not doing enough to show you that you are it for me, that there will never be anyone else, that I would never jeopardize what we have, then I have to do better. And I will. I've never done this committed relationship thing before, and I'm figuring it out as we go. But, I don't want you to change. I fell in love with the crazy, independent, and so incredibly strong woman that you are. I don't want to be the reason you change".

She sighed, stepping closer to him. "Is love supposed to feel this way?".

"I don't know", he answered honestly. "I'm sorry Sarah. I really am"

She nodded. "I hate to say this, because I never want to be 'that girl', but I can't have her around you. She clearly has no respect for my role in your life and she's a fucking whore". 

Nick couldn't hold back the laugh. "You don't have to say anything. I already know she can't be around".

She finally looked him in the eye. "I love you, Nicky. So much. And, because of that, you can hurt me so much. And, that scares the shit out of me".

He stroked her face gently. "I would die before I hurt you. I've wanted to die ever since I came home and you weren't there. Please come home. I need you there. I'm half a man without you beside me".

She looked at him, wanting to go with him and never look back, but terrified to do so. "Kiss me. If your kiss feels the same, I'll go with you right now".

He pressed his lips against hers, before she could change her mind. She resisted at first, but soon melted against him, kissing him back. They kissed desperately, tongues battling, hands roaming over each other's bodies. A tear rolled down Sarah's cheek. Nick licked it away, before covering her mouth with his, again.  

"I love you" he murmured, kissing down her neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you".

His kiss felt the same. She felt his love and passion for her. It felt right. "Take me home", she whispered. 

He hugged her tight, kissing her forehead. "Thank you, mami".

She hadn't opened the suitcase she brought from his house. She went in the house to retrieve that, her purse, and her phone. He put her things in the trunk and opened the passenger door for her. She smiled at him, placing a hand on his chest, before getting in. 

When they got home, they went straight to bed. They did not have sex, but she clung to him, wrapped in his arms, until she fell asleep. She knew she would sleep that night, being with him, where she belonged.