As Long As You Need Me

Chapter XXII

In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
- Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)
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The real lover is the man who can kiss you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.
- Marilyn Monroe
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Hermione had been sitting up in bed all night, thinking about what had happened. After taking hours to get over the shock, she felt nothing but happiness. She assumed that he needed time to get over this himself and it was all it took for her to not run to him immediately. It was such a short but sweet thing and it led her to hope for a thousand possibilities. Her bubbling enthusiasm didn't let her sleep till the very dawn and when she did, there was a wonderful dream of a beautiful tomorrow beneath her eyelids.

Snape didn't sleep for the rest of the night either; he had stumbled out into his office, collapsed into the armchair, pouring himself drink after drink and staring into the depths of the crackling fire.

By the time Hermione arrived at his side, it was morning, the fire had died, his drunken stupor was gone but the war in his mind hadn't ceased. She had been quite shy to face him at first, but she took a deep breath and placed her hand lightly on his shoulder. When he looked up, Hermione gave him a big smile but Snape's eyes were muddled, like he still hadn't come out of his reverie. Then he jerked away from her reach and stood up, as if only now acknowledging her presence. She believed she had startled him out of his thoughts regarding last night and how to confess his feelings to her. She let him take his time and dropped her gaze to the floor, blushing. He stared on, unable to decide how to say it.

"Last night...." he sighed gravely, "...was a mistake."

Hermione gawked at him, all her happiness vapourised in an instant.
"A....a mistake?!"

"I'm sorry...I don't know what I was thinking. You were upset and I...It shouldn't have happened. And I apologise..."

"What are you saying...?"

"I shouldn't have let it go this far...I should've been more careful..."

"Professor Snape, I don't mind what happened. It was the most beautiful kiss-"

"Please try to understand." He pressed his eyes closed as if even hearing about it caused him pain. "If this comes out...I could lose my job, my reputation...everything!"

Hermione's mouth hung open, appalled. "You think...that I'm going to tell someone? That- that I am going to publicise this?! Do you really think I'm that kind of a person?"

"No. But I just..." He realised he could have offended her and looked around helplessly. "I wish it didn't happen. It would never happen again and I'm sorry. I mean, the inappropriateness of it all...."

Hermione took some time before saying, "Well, I'm sorry that you think that way. Because I don't. I am glad because of what happened."

"Ms.Granger-"

"I am in love with you."

There was pin-drop silence. Snape could just stare at Hermione's face, that gazed back at him with much fondness; she held his gaze with all the love that she could summon for him. He held onto the back of the chair for support, but felt his stomach had dropped. She was breathing heavily, surprised and trepidated herself but not letting it show on her face; she only looked confident and sure of what she had just confessed.

He opened his mouth and closed it again, a plethora of emotions passing through his otherwise unimpassioned face. But he controlled it all with the immense power he had and reserved himself.
"Ms.Granger...you don't know what you're talking about."