Severus Snape finds himself alive after the war, saved by none other than the insufferable know-it-all. But did he even want to be saved?
Hermione on the other hand finds herself unconsciously, albeit dangerously drawn to the broken man. She vows to...
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The diary of the Half-blood Prince
Entry VIII:
The stories they have seen that remain untold The journeys they have seen unfold The worlds they have lit up with their fire The passions they have ignited with their desire The dreams they have seen touch the skies The waterfalls they have shed while saying goodbyes The depths they have in which you could drown Those eyes, oh so brown...
When I talk about love, I write how she was the most beautiful girl in this world, how she was the panache of her words, and never ending feelings. But today, I will write about the girl who loves me, but doesn't get loved back.
It isn't easy to love someone who doesn't slay it with looks, whose words doesn't soothe you or who does not have anything worth showcasing. But she did it. Don't they say, 'First impression is last impression'? It is later that you realise that first impression is false impression. I don't know when it happened...I don't know how...I never hoped...never expected to be loved.
At first, I hadn't even spoken to her, except for a few casual words, mostly related to work...and yet, her name was like a summons to all my foolish blood.
I don't know when everything about her turned endearing...how very lovable her face is to me- yet there is nothing ethereal about it; all was real vitality, real warmth, real incarnation. And it was in her mouth that this culminated. To a man, like me, with the least fire in myself, to be bothered by such things, that curve of her red lips was distracting, infatuating...maddening.
She wasn't something magnificent to look at- deliciously hideous in her clumsiness... but in this vast simpleness resides a most powerful beauty which in a few minutes steals forth and charms the mind, so that you end as I ended, in falling for her.
And the oftener she fluttered by me with her beauty, the more acute became my sadness. I felt sorry both for her and for myself and for all who mournfully watched her every time she walked past. Whether it was envy of her beauty or that I was regretting that the girl was not mine and never would be, or that I was nothing but a stranger to her after all; or whether I vaguely felt that her rare beauty was accidental, unnecessary and like everything on earth, of short duration; or whether, perhaps my sadness was that peculiar feeling which is excited in man by the contemplation of real beauty, God only knows.
When I met her, I was breaking and she seemed happy and bright. It took me a while to look deep inside. To find another soul as unhappy, tired and dark as mine. To find another person standing alone, scared, in a crippling world of lies. She held my hand for strength and support and in her grip, I found love and comfort. From deep philosophy and sad experiences to non-stop laughs and stupid logic, we entered a new world together, hand in hand. Said goodbye to toxicity and embraced life's good and bad. We learnt to get up and walk together. She taught me to live life to the fullest and laugh without a break. She grew into a friend I never had, or once had possibly...and as unlikely as it is, she was my constant guide. And we're a lovely version of two broken people fixing each other's lives.
I am happy...I couldn't be happier than today, because of everything that she said. It filled my heart with joy to know that there lives at least one being who can never change- one being who would be content to devote her whole existence to my happiness- who lives but in my eyes, who breathes but in my smiles, who bears the heavy burden of life itself only for me.
And I am sad...profoundly sad, also because of everything she said. She has invested her time and emotions on me, seen me closely, or should I say, lived me closely. She knows the exact shape of my nose, or how I frown and how my face lights up when I get passionate about something. She has catered to my every whim, getting nothing in return. She mended my smile and cupped her hands to hold all of my tears. She knows every word of err in me and loved me anyway. I could not be more baffled... She should have those feelings, hope to be loved like that, just not from me. She cannot be associated with someone like me. If I begin to state the reasons, I might pen down a novel. Believe me when I say, I know exactly what it feels like to love someone and not get loved back. I have passed through that pain, I have roamed through that city, walked those deserted alleys of sorrow.
I can do anything but disrespect these beautiful feelings I know she has harboured for me. After all, this respect is all I have to showcase. I thank her for prevailing my belief in love. But it can end everything as well as begin. And I have to make sure that it ends before it begins. If I can keep even one heart from breaking, I shall know that I've not lived in vain.....
I know, I know what one might say. How can I do this? How can I let something like this go?
Don't tell me she's wonderful. Don't tell me she's kind. Don't tell me she's only human, and to her good side I am blind. Don't tell me how every part of her illuminates when she is elated. I already know. I pride myself in admitting that I know her. I know how the colours in her eyes change, when she changes to fire and rage. Don't tell me, oh no, how her scent is like flowers. Don't remind me how I've waited to see her at odd hours. I'm not incapable of seeing, how around her the world dances. I am blind not to her, oh no, but of taking any more chances. I know she's made mistakes, I know we all do. But sometimes, just sometimes, it's about what you can't undo. And I know no one else can make me as happy as she. But today I realised my happiness is shrouded in misery. So I'm letting her go. In this game I no longer wish to partake. The past is the past. But I cannot again make the same mistake. This time, this once, please try to understand. I am only human, looking for someone to mend a torn heart.
