The diary of the Half-blood Prince
Entry IX:
Some days you are more familiar than the lines on my palm. But I only know how to keep you tucked away like my favourite love letter hoping one day you'll find the ghost of your presence in these words. You say I carry too many metaphors in the pockets of my mind, nothing I ever say is binary, when given a choice between yes and no, my hands always reach for maybe. That's why I never really learnt to say 'I love you'. But it's not like love wasn't there. It's not like it wasn't true.I keep watching the slow drift of the seasons from my window. Some days the solitude feels like a weight in my chest that won't let me breathe, and some days it works like a safety blanket. Because you see, I never quite learnt how to pronounce intimacy.
So when you try to make a home in my padlock heart, my fingers still tremble to give you the key.
I'm not well-versed in the intricacies of love- all I've learnt about it has been through heartbreak and disappointment and loss. So, I'm sorry that most days it felt like we were dancing between a platonic relation and love, never quite sure where our feet would land.I can never really call you mine, but my dreams are still haunted by your eyes. I am stuck behind a screen from where I can still see your eyes, that I let down. I keep hoping I would make you smile again. I keep feeling one day these walls would break and I'll be the one holding the axe. I keep hoping that one day I will learn to hold your hand and not feel it's a freefall without a safety net. Without my brain calculating the thousands of ways in which I could die.
I wanted to take the time to know you. On another level; deeper than anyone has ever taken the time to. Understand you as best I can, so that I may love you in a way you never thought possible.
I am learning to open my heart and I want to learn with you.
YOU ARE READING
As Long As You Need Me
FanfictionSeverus Snape finds himself alive after the war, saved by none other than the insufferable know-it-all. But did he even want to be saved? Hermione on the other hand finds herself unconsciously, albeit dangerously drawn to the broken man. She vows to...