Destined Destiny

chapter 36 I hate you

SAYAN POV

"May be hayat was kidnapped!
I can't find her anywhere.
Even her phone signals are out!" Robert said in his deep low voice .

"What?
What do you mean by kidnapped?
Just do your work and find her dammit!" I yelled at him in phone.

The thought of hayat in danger gave me a panic attack . I had an urge to take my pills and enter my world of drowsiness as the thought of her in danger was killing me deep down.

I immediately reached to the bed side drawer and took a pill from the bottle. I was about to gulp it down but I remembered the promise made to hayat that I'll not use this pills anymore. Thinking of her I throwed the whole bottle into the dustbin.

I sat on the bed side and controlled my panic. I immediately took my car keys and went in search of hayat in a small hope that I can find her.

I searched for her in every way possible but I was not able to find her . Where ever she is, I hope she is fine.

I called Aairah in a small hope that she would at least know about her as she was my hayat's best friend, but there was no use of it. Instead she got worried knowing hayat was missing . She gave me some of her relatives phone number.

I instantly called them but to my bad luck they were out of reach.

After searching for her for five hours,  I returned home in a hope that at least she would changed her mind and came back home as she promised me  that she would never leave me .

I unlocked the door but the house was lifeless and empty like me
I entered my room no more mine with an empty bed and blanket lying leisurely at the corner of the room which are still damp with our memories .

Every night when hayat was beside me, cuddling into me with her head on my shoulder and her hands on my chest , inhaling her sweet scent and with the feel of her near me I would doze off to best sleep of my life.

Being away from her is the hardest fear I endured until this date . Every second,  minute  and hour without her is I spent heartbroken. I thought we belonged to each other ,having her so far from me is being me with a great pain.  I cannot feel whole again until I see her beautiful face again . Her not being with me was like an important organ missing in me.

I know I've hurted her but,
I would prefer loosing her with a truth rather than keeping her with a lie. That lie which brings a crack in our relationship which we couldn't  heal even after our endless efforts .

Thinking about hayat ,  i dozed off to sleep. I woke up as I felt a smooth feathery fingers in my hair . I was shocked to see hayat standing in front of me with swollen puffy eyes, messy hair and dirt on her clothes.
"Hayat! ". I said and immediately pulled her towards me. I hugged her tightly not  letting her go anywhere from me.

"Hayaaaat!" I said and my tears started flowing like a river from my eyes with out my acknowledgement.
I don't feel ashamed of letting my tears loose in front her because I doesn't feel week anymore when I am with her.

"Hayat, I'm sorry. "
The things I have done I can't explain, I know because it hurts and causes pain.
You doesn't say, but I very well know what I have done to you,
I'm sorry hayat,  we had a special love and I threw it all away . I regret that moment in every moment of my life .
If I  could change the past I would.
I could take away all the pain that I gave you .
All I ask you was one last try.
I love you hayat and
I'm sorry as I hurted you  so many times,
I'm sorry as I wasted your trust as dimes,
I'm sorry as I never talked the things out,
I'm sorry for breaking your heart without making a sound.
I'm sorry hayat, for keeping you in vain all these days
Please forgive me hayat!  I said cupping her cheeks with my hands  .

"Sayaaan!" She finally mumbled with tears in her puffy eyes.

"I have trusted you with all my heart and soul but  you betrayed me Sayan.
You are a murder Sayan!
A bloody murderer ,who killed my father .
How can you expect me to forgive you Sayan?
I'll never forgive you! " .She said with so much hatred in her voice and turned around to walk away from me.

"Hayat,"  I said and grabbed her wrist . She instantly turned around and slapped me hard on my cheek and said,
"Don't you dare hold my hand again Sayan.
I hate you and I don't love you anymore.
The would kill myself rather spending my life with a murderer like you. She said and walked away.

"Hayat, please,,,
Don't leave me hayat, I can't live without you.
Please hayat....  " 
I woke up from my sleep with the worst nightmare of my life. My eyes were flowing with tears, my shirt was drenched in my sweat and my hands were trembling.

I remember those mornings, when  she was sleeping happily like a child on my shoulder. I remember the smile, so radiant and warm , illuminating my day with loving affection. I remember those kisses so sweet and soft engulfing my being with a blissful elation. I remember her touch so delicate and gentle setting me on fire with a desiring burning sensation. But this morning I am seeking for her glowing angelic presence, her caring and loving traits,  her missing essence .

I didn't belived in the word magic, I didn't until I first gazed my eyes on her .
But, I believed then.
I felt as if she can cast a spell on me the first time we locked our eyes. I was spell bound at that very moment and forever.
I thought my destiny was destined  to love you with so much passion and love I cannot even  think of and describe it in words. I was glad that my curse draw me to her and now I see it as my blessing as every thing she does makes me off guard, the way she eat, the way she smiles, the way she rolls my name in her tounge ,the way she plays with her hair, the way she fake coughs to bring my attention back ..all of it increase my love towards her and it gives me so much of joy to watch her as the real her .

I don't know hayat, if you will forgive me ever in my life again but I promise you to love you forever and ever till my last heart beat.

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