Destined Destiny

chapter 47 without him

Hayat POV

The moment came which I never thought it would come and it came like a strong whirlpool and I drowned into the ocean of sadness. I wish this moment never came into my life , but it came and he left.

He left to the operation theater with a smile, a smile that has its own story behind it ,the smile which tells me not to be sad and the smile which showed me his pain of leaving me , the smile which tells how happy he was that he got a chance to save his brother life , the smile he gave in order to make me smile and the smile which tells me that he loves me. It wasn't any kind of the fake smiles which is used to give to people ,it  was the real one,  the real smile which came straight from his heart ,that heart which he was going to gift his brother as a token of his love towards him.

Ziyan didn't knew about this as Sayan took a promise from me that I would never tell him until he is operated and back to his normal health.

It took all my strength to stop myself from not to stop him in gifting his heart. I was unable to talk from the moment he asked me to give him the permission to do this. I feared,  feared that if I opened my mouth, the word DON'T  leaves my mouth and it would hurt him the most than the feeling of leaving this world with me.

I don't say I didn't cared for ziyan and wanted him to die. I just want my love with me. I didn't wanted him to do this, but I know he would regret about this day for every moment all his life until he died. I know he would not be able to live his life in peace with the regression of loosing his brother's life when he had a last chance to save him.

Though it broke me in to million pieces i let him go for his happiness which he finds in saving his brother's life.

You promised me that you will never leave my side, now where are you Sayan ?
why did you left me?
To keep one promise you broke the promise you gave me.
Some people are meant to stay in our heart but not in our life.

I know it's wrong for me to say that I can't live without him cause I already lived my life before he came in to my life. But I felt the true feeling of living came in his arms. I got to know how meaningful the life was with him and the thought of him not with him was killing me from inside.

I know that I've loved someone whom from now on I don't get to see everyday.  I will never stop loving him even though I can't see him every day but I know he was with me and in me always forever.

When tomorrow comes without me and I'm not here to see your smiling face then move on!  Move on in your life and find someone who would take care of you and will not leave you like I did.  He said and my mind stuck on the word move on!

After doing all this to me he was expecting me to move on and find my love in some one and be happy without him?

I was walking lifelessly in the hospital corridor, I heard a voice.
A 4 year boy was running in the corridor and his mother was behind him . The boy bumped into me and was about to fall. I caught him and his chocolate brown eyes took me off-guard. They are the same eyes like him ,those eyes which reflected his love towards me until last moment of his life, those eyes which are trying to hide his pain of leaving me but failed terrible, those eyes which has that power to skip my heart beat with just a wink .  The boy smiled at me and his mother caught him and thanked me.

I walked further and I found a boy weeping and crying as he was scared of injection. I still remember that which happened just like yesterday when he was very scared to take the injection and was running from an eight year old boy.

"Sayan, why are you scared of a injection? " I said controlling my laughter.

"No, I'm... I'm not scared." He said shuttering and looking a the injection.

"Doctor,  why don't you prescribe me some tablets instead of an injection. " He asked the doctor gulping while the doctor was about to inject him.

The doctor injected him and he caught my hand making me pale at that place by stopping my blood flow for seconds. It makes me laugh even at this moment about the silly excuses he told me in order not to take injection. He was looking like the cutest kid on earth no one except me could have seen. These little things in the hospital remained me of him,  my mind blocks out all the memories of the consuming sadness he has caused to me at this very moment.

I love the way he holds me in his arms when i was drifting asleep. I loved the way he gently tucks my hair behind my ear in my sleep,  I loved the way he gives me butterfly kisses so that it wouldn't disturb my sleep. Most of all I loved the way I feel secured and loved in his arms. His arms were the safest place I've ever found and ever been, but now it was a place I wish I've never seen so I will never crave for if again.

I wish I could turn time to the days when he was mine.  To the days when our hearts were one, when our clocks of love had just begun. I wish I could turn back time to when his love seemed like a crime, when he held me tight for so long, when his voice was my favorite music. But the hands of time cannot go back, and I must learn to face the fact that he left me and he is never coming back. Yet , I love him sincerely forever as I can't even hate that person who broke my heart.

I hated the nights where I felt so hallow inside. I feel damn empty and I hated the night where my sadness returns to me. I hated counting the tears that rushed down my cheeks and collect upon my pillow and I hated that the only thing that is there to comfort me is my loneliness but god sent you into my life to make those lonely nights to loved one.

I hate him but I can't stop loving him .

Thank you!