The Perfect Life

Guilts & Innocence

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Disbelief rained down Sehun's face. Swerving, he opened the door and slammed it after him abandoning her once more. Eunhui glanced at the door then away.

Actually, she knew. That Sehun came so far down for Namjoo. What other reason did he have to leave Seoul after being delayed for so long?

She just...didn't want him to be alone, but it wasn't like he knew that. He wouldn't know that, not even after she hugged him sobbing to sleep. After that he seemed to treat her with a cold shoulder.

Eunhui was old enough not to be foolish. Sehun's eyes were set elsewhere and she was the fault for every wrong in his life. For clinging to him that one night. She was the reason that his head got bashed in. She was the reason he got held back.

Of course, he was angry at her. She knew it all. He blamed her.

"You want to fix it," Dr. Shin had said, being the voice of reason. "If you cheated on a test, you should own up to it, don't you think?"

Most of all, she wanted him to forgive her.

Deciding there was no choice, she sunk down into his sofa. Would wait stubbornly for him, just as he stubbornly persisted after Namjoo. Time did not have any meaning for either of them. Choosing to stay in the same place as if the seasons did not wane. Numb to the humid and icy world outside all the time. Stuck in her 14-year-old body where every night her step-father haunted her. Sehun spinning in the tornado never coming to a landing.

They were fools, such useless existences. Chasing the same stars, never knowing when to stop.

The door opened again an hour later and Sehun walked in soaking wet. Eunhui didn't offer him a towel. Dragging his feet past her she listened to the bathroom door clang shut. Closing her eyes to take a breath she counted the seconds until he came back out.

When she heard the pots and pans banging in the kitchen she finally stood. Not even a kitchen table for her to sit, so she leaned against the rough brick wall. He had a unique taste for such a place. The smell of rust strong. Either he was ignorant or he hadn't noticed the dirt gathering in the corners. She wanted to sweep for him, but obviously he didn't want her doing the intimate gesture. Cleaning up after him, cooking and feeding, doing his laundry. Knowing what size he wore.

And she wondered if Namjoo knew any of those.

"Do you have a job?" Eunhui started.

Sehun wiped at nothing then turned the gas stove on. Flickering to life he set an old flowery tea kettle on. Much too feminine for a man. She wondered where he picked it up.

"Then," she went on, "have you found her?"

"Stay away from her," Sehun glanced at her then walked over to his cupboard bringing down only one mug.

His animosity wasn't foreign to her. Instead, it felt familiar...like a taste of home.

"Dr. Shin says hello. She hopes you've found what you were always looking for." Eunhui turned away. "I can have the sofa, right?"

That night she listened as Sehun shifted in bed. His back to her. Wondering if he was awake like her but pretending to be asleep. She heard his phone ring and the soft of his voice answer. The way he rose urgently said to her he really wanted to leave her.

Shuffling quietly his keys jingled and then he was out the door having forgotten she was there. Eunhui opened her eyes and stared at the door, curious about who had called.

†††††

Putting her weight against the wall, Namjoo stared outside the window. Hefting the curtain outside she watched the stars glimmer and disappear then shine again and fade, like they were having a conversation with each other. Here, she was alone. She wished for some kind of solace.