Poems...and stories...

Trying...

What's the point of trying if nothing ever seams okay...
What's the point of trying to be someone I'm not?
Putting make up? What's the point if I won't even look prettier, just fake.
Starving? What's the point if I didn't loose a single pound from it.
Cutting? What's the point if it just hurts me and makes people wonder.
Wonder...Wonder if I'm okay? Wonder if I'm suicidal?
Or maybe they just think I'm pathetic...
What's the point of smiling? If inside I feel like there's an enormous whole in my heart....
What's the point of saying...I'm fine? If I'm not fine and I want to die.
Did people ever care? Did people ever tell me "What's wrong?" And actually knew how to help me?
No one can help me...
Only I can, I can't be better if I don't get all of this shit out of my brain...
People act like they care "are you okay?"
"What's wrong?" "Tell me what's wrong!"
I can't tell them what's going on because I can't fcking explain it!
I want to be happy...I promise, but I don't know how...I can't just change instantly, I need time...And I know it's taking forever...I promise ...
I'm trying to get better...
I'm trying to be happy...
But what's the point of trying if nothing changes and things are worst....