Showtime.....We need to talk

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January

I had just got back from LA and I was headed straight to Que's house so that I could pack up my stuff. I had so much stuff to pack up and I am sure I was going to have to come and get the rest tomorrow. I was actually in a rush because I had to get downtown to the Marriott. The Fashion show was going to start later on and it was now 11:00 am. When I pulled up I sighed a relieved breath because Que wasn't there. I walked up to the door and slid the key in the lock opening the door. I made my way upstairs and started going through drawers gathering my stuff. I only had my two LV overnight bags so there was only so much that I could put in there. Once I got all that I could in my bags I looked around grabbing my bags making my way down the stairs. Just as I got to the last step the front door opened and in walked Que.

He froze and leaned up against the door with his arms folded across his chest. I dropped my bags and just looked at him not knowing what to say or what to do in that moment. Que pushed off the door and walked towards me. My breath stalled in my lungs because I didn't know what to expect. When he got directly in front front of me he grabbed my hands pulling me with him.

"January we need to talk. We need to talk about us and what we are going to do as far as this relationship is concerned."

I nodded and let him lead me into the living room. We sat in a very uncomfortable silence before he spoke again. He turned facing me looking directly in my eyes. When I looked back in his eyes I could see the hurt and the pain that I was the cause of.

"Jan, what happened to us? I mean where did we go wrong, hell where did I go wrong?"

"Que you didn't go wrong, but I did. From the beginning I was trying to handle everything on my own and keep what I was feeling bottled inside. I guess because I was so used to it being that way I let it roll off into us. Even when I left and moved to LA I was running from all that happened. I didn't want to talk to you or really anybody."

"Baby why do you keep doing shit like this?"

"Que you are the first real love that I have ever had and to be honest I don't fully know how to communicate with you the way that I should."

Que leaned over bracing both his elbows on his knees while looking at me. I looked down while playing with my fingers placed in my lap. I felt so bad because now I can see the damage I had done and I don't know what to do to repair it.

"Do you trust me?" He asked.

I looked at him perplexed but then I knew why he was asking me that.

"Yes Que I do even though it doesn't seem like it."

"Well tell me this, why with all this shit that has taken place you didn't come to me and talk to me? Do you know how that made me feel knowing you didn't trust me to be there and help as well as protect you."

"Hold up, how do you know what has taken place?"

"Your parents told me because they felt like as your man I needed to know. January you were kidnapped once before and you were seriously trying to handle this situation on your own. Baby do you know how much I really love you? I can't afford for anything to happen to you. I almost lost you once and I sure as hell don't want to lose you now."

I sighed getting off the couch walking around the living room thinking about all that he had just said. I turned and looked at him.

"Que think about for a minute the life that I had growing up. I didn't have love nor did I really have anybody that I could trust other than Johntae. I was never told I love you by my mom. When I was with Taurus he told me sometimes but I always felt that he loved just being in control of me. Then you came along and showed me more in a matter of minutes than someone could in a lifetime."

I took a breath and walked around some more trying to gather my thoughts. Que was listening intently to all I was saying.

"Because of you I know what love is. I just have a hard time showing you how much I love you out of fear that you are going to hurt me or leave me if I mess up or I don't do something right. I guess that's why I shut you out so much and I know now that I was so wrong.I am truly sorry for that. Maybe we need some time apart in hopes that it makes us stronger and better."

In a flash Que was out of his seat making his way over to me. He pulled me close to him and narrowed his eyes at me.

"Is that what you really want because that is not what I want. I just want you...no I need you to talk to me and let me in. Do you think you can do that for me? I love you too much. You mean everything to me. Girl I can't breath without you by my side. You already been gone way too long and I am not letting you go again. I refuse."

Tears started to stream down my face because in that moment I realized how in love I was with him. I also realized how selfish and stupid I was for not coming to him and talking to him about everything.

I placed my arms around his neck and he put our foreheads together.

"Que I really don't want any time apart. I want us to work through this and from now on no matter what it is I will come and talk to you. I promise baby and I love you so much."

"January I want you to understand that I wanna love you, cherish you, protect you and of course fuck you til you weak in the knees."

I leaned in as he did and we kissed passionately. This kiss was different than all the others and I think it was because I had finally let go and was going to let him all the way in.

"Now's let's go unpack your bags cause you ain't going nowhere."

***********

It was 7 pm and it was an hour before the show started. I felt like I was on cloud nine after the long talk that Que and I had. I was running around doing faces making everybody glamorous. I was moving around so fast and doing this and that I actually started to feel dizzy. I had to stop doing one of the model's make-up to lean up against the counter. At that moment Nesha walked in looking at me with concern in her eyes.

"Hey Jan are you alright? You don't look to good."

"I'm fine Nesha I just got a little dizzy. Will you bring me a bottle water?"

She looked at me skeptically before going to get me a water. When she walked out she ran into Ray.

"Hey Ray. Something is wrong with January. She looks like she is about to pass out. She said that she is okay but I don't know."

"It's probably all the stress she has been under and not getting the proper amount of rest." Ray said.

"Yeah that probably is it." Nesha said still not sure that was it.

She walked back in and gave her sister the water and looked her over again.

"Jan are you sure you are okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine. Now go get ready for the best show ever."

She walked out in the midst of all the people coming and going.

I gulped down most of my water and looked at the clock and realized that I had less than an hour before showtime...Well let me get this show on the road. When showtime is over I gotta remember to go find out why the hell I have been being so dizzy lately. I hope its nothing serious....

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