[ t o m o r r o w ] l.h

IX

232 Days until

I woke up with blood all over my pillows, sheets, stuffed animals and face. It took nearly fifteen minutes to wash it all off of my face and strip my bed of the now tarnished sheets, this is not including the coughing fit breaks. Mom was freaking out about it but Dad was sure it was just because 'my nasal membranes' were dried out. He had to tell both of us that it just meant my nose was dry. It was now three in the afternoon and I was sprawled out on the couch in the living room with seven blankets around my freezing cold frame and about one and half bowls of soup on the coffee table. Rupaul's Drag Race was on the t.v, I had watched an entire season from when I had woken up at twelve. My mother was going back and forth from giving me my medication and force feeding me black tea with so much honey in it it was sickening. It would have felt like a nice lazy sunday morning if my breathing didn't sound like a squeaky dog toy and my nose wasn't running faster than Usain Bolt, but the lingering thoughts of Luke from the previous night had disappeared. I think that was because of how dazed and confused I was, all I knew in that moment was that Katya should have won all stars and that the chicken in canned chicken noodle soup looked like soggy cardboard.

Gabi texted me around three thirty and it gave me something to do, other than eavesdrop on my parents conversations about going for dinner tonight which I sincerely hoped they would.

Mack Daddy : i miss u ugly

Valerie : u saw me 2 days ago

Mack Daddy : yea but like we only at the venue when they were playing then i got fucked in a supply closet.

Valerie : k well get it and I'm sick as all hell

Mack Daddy : ughhhhhhhh if i can't come over at least invite luke over

Valerie : that doesn't even make sense. Why would i do that.

Mack Daddy : cuz ur like in love with him. U can't even deny it because you got in a car with him and went driving

I didn't tell Gabi about last night for this exact reason, I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it but I guess Luke was a gossip

Valerie : how do u even know that

I was going to kick his lanky ass.

Mack Daddy : Luke told mikey and mikey told me. He really likes you dude, you should hang out with him more. F u c k h i m

Valerie : i'll pass. You know my rules gab

Mack Daddy : Jesus Christ valerie. You can't just sit in your house all day and do nothing and expect to be happy, you can't just keep pushing people who want to get to know you away because you're scared.

I made her mad. Gabi and I never fought unless it was about things like this, it frustrated her how I was so disclosed to the outside world. I told myself she didn't understand but I knew she did.

Valerie : I am happy. I just don't think it's fair to let people get attached to me when a wind storm could take me out.

Mack Daddy : Oh fuck off val. You're happy with living your life in the hospital and your bedroom and only hanging out with me? We all die. I'm not going to break up with michael and block you because I could potentially get hit by a bus tomorrow.

I didn't respond. I tossed my phone by my feet and looked back at the t.v, my lips downturned and my eyes seemed to just flutter shut. They opened again when I heard mom grab the dishes from the coffee table, when our eyes met she just smiled at me and placed them back down before sitting beside me on the couch.