Wouldn't You Love to Love Her?

November, 1972

This is the stop Linds,' Stevie announces as the train begins to slow down. She stands and swings her backpack over her shoulder, it is heavy and she nearly gets thrown off balance as the train jolts and shudders to a halt. Lindsey reaches out to steady her, brushing his hand against her right breast as he does do. Stevie flinches slightly at the contact. Lindsey has been her boyfriend for nearly a year now and she still can't get used to the idea that him touching her is normal. That it is what you are supposed to allow boys you are dating to do.

She still isn't quite sure how she ended up dating Lindsey. One minute they were Fritz together, everyone in band respecting the 'Stevie's off limits' rule that Lindsey had suggested, much to her relief, when she had joined and the next minute Fritz were over, and her and Lindsey were in Los Angeles by themselves, and somehow together. Now it is 10 months later and they are still together. Their relationship had started with sex. Lindsey showing up at her room at the Tropicana Hotel where they were shopping their demos around LA, despondent and desperate. His dad was sick, the demo shopping expedition wasn't going well and she hadn't known how to comfort him so when he kissed her, out of the blue, she had responded by offering her body to him. Sex with Lindsey isn't as awful as she was expecting to be, he is a surprisingly attentive lover for someone who can be such a selfish asshole. He likes making her come and he knows how to do it. When he goes down on her she can close her eyes and imagine he is someone else, someone she can't allow herself to have. The rest of it is harder. He is big, by far the biggest she has had and more often than not she is not she isn't ready for him, then it hurts. He complains that she doesn't give him head often enough but she hates giving head, she hates the taste and the sensation that she is choking.

She still can't work out how the ended up here. Walking down the stairs at a freezing Chicago L station towards her parents house, Lindsey by her side. She has no idea, when or how her relationship with Lindsey had moved from fucking to 'come to Chicago with me for Thanksgiving and meet my family'. Her mom will love Lindsey. She will think he is good for her. Her mom worries about her. She knows that. Lindsey isn't really a people person, he is a natural introvert, he can be sullen and difficult to get along with and she knows he rather be lying on the floor of his apartment back in San Francisco playing guitar until his fingers bleed but he also knows how to turn on the charm when he needs to. Her mom will be impressed by him. He is, in so many ways the quintessential California boy that her mom has come to think will do her some good and drag her out of her shell a little bit.

She has become more introverted since Julie. It isn't natural for her but she needs to protect herself. A few days after the night she and Julie had kissed she had moved into a tiny bedsit off-campus. She couldn't stand to be around her anymore. She cried herself to sleep for weeks.

Her dad will be more weary of him. Lindsey has big dreams of making it as a musician and her dad will be cynical about that. He knows what is awaiting him if he doesn't make it and it isn't pretty. Chris isn't going to be there tonight, he has met a girl from Michigan at college and he will be spending Thanksgiving with her family on the strict understanding that he will spend Christmas at home so it will be just her parents, herself and Lindsey this year. The rest of her extended family are in Arizona.

'I didn't realize it your be so fucking cold here,' Lindsey complains as they walk along the icy sidewalk of Fullerton Ave towards her parents house in Lincoln Park.

Lindsey is hopelessly underdressed for the weather, its not snowing today but there is a distinct chill in the air. 'I told you it would be cold here,' Stevie smiles.

'I thought you were being dramatic', Lindsey replies with a dry laugh and Stevie hates when he does that, when he dismisses her and he does it a lot. Her ideas are always inferior, her worries and fears are melodrama to him but she thinks all men probably think like that.