Addicted.

Addicted-Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-three- Self-preservation

Sometimes at 3 in the morning when you are unable to fall asleep because your mind refuses to shut up, you think about everything and nothing.

You think of how your life has turned out and how you want it to be. You think of every negative thing in life, you doubt yourself, you question every decision you ever made and you are your own worst critic. Your own customized torture chamber.

When you lose self-respect in front of other people it doesn't hurt as much as losing respect in your own eyes. There is something so awful about it.

For Vivian, she didn't need it to be 3 in the night. She looked at Sinclair's naked back, turned towards her. He was her personal torture chamber. A chamber she had willingly crawled in time and again.

In a situation like this, people usually say that one should eat. If you feel low in confidence, eat. Makes you feel a whole lot better. Vivian tried to do that. She got up from the bed, wore James's shirt lying on the side table and went to the kitchen to eat.

As she sat down with a sandwich, her mind was somewhere else. She could not understand the turn her life had taken. Vivian was one of those people who was always in control, she always had a plan, a direction. She was the hero of her own movie, but now she felt like a villain.

Vivian Wade wasn't religious, her concept of morality was very ambiguous. However, that didn't mean she didn't understand right from wrong. And what just happened with James Sinclair, whatever had been happening with James Sinclair was wrong.

Vivian could not blame anyone. She needed to own up to her mistakes, she could have fought Sinclair when he forced her to stay at his place. But, Vivian knew. Deep down she knew, that she wanted it. The irrational teenage part of her had wanted it. She was attracted to James Sinclair and she latched onto the opportunity like a tick sticking to a dog.

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After finishing her sandwich, Vivian had a new-found determination. She was going to take control of her life.

"Sorry." Vivian heard a gravelly murmur, thick from sleep, while she was busy working on her laptop, since it was a Sunday Vivian had decided to catch up on her pending work assignments, "I was really tired." James Sinclair added. She turned to look at the recipient of the voice when she felt his lips on her neck, slowly traveling to her lips.

The kiss was exhilarating. It was all consuming, so addictive that Vivian could do it all day.

"Not a problem," Vivian replied breathlessly when they pulled away after a minute, trying to steady her spinning head. Vivian needed to get a grip, she reprimanded herself while James Sinclair settled next to her, still shirtless, still so fucking hot, emanating a constant energy that drew Vivian to him like a moth to a flame.

He looked at ease, he looked different, almost unrecognizable without the hard lines on his face and a certain lightness to his demeanor.

James Sinclair had settled himself on the couch, next to Vivian, reflexively shifting closer to her, his hand resting gently on her bare thigh while she concentrated on her Laptop. It was as if he constantly needed to touch her. Need was too small a word for what he felt, it was something akin to the addiction he used to have for heroin.

It made him feel alive and soothed him at the same time.

"So, what are you working on?" James asked almost awkwardly, while he drew circles on her thighs, his fingers slowly and slyly moving upwards. Vivian turned to look at him, an amused smile on her face. This was not James Sinclair. At least not the one she knew. Look at him trying to strike a conversation with her.