Love Dont Live Here Anymore

1

"

CHRIS ?? CHRIS ?? BAE ??"

I cried while running through the house looking for him.

When I walked in our bedroom there was nothing in this world that could have prepared me for what my eyes were seeing; especially at a time like this.

My sister was on top of my man riding him like there was no tomorrow.

"You love this dick Jazz ?"

"Yes Chris, I love it."

At that very moment I blacked out. Last thing I remember was grabbing Jazz by the hair......

I lost my son and the love of my life all in the same day. I kept saying to myself,

"what is life ? I just wanna fuckin die."

Guess that's why I'm cuffed to this hospital bed, w/ this crazy people's outfit on and an officer at my door watching me like a hawk. How am I suppose to feel right now ? How could anyone look down on me for wanting to die ?

My 5 yr old son, Jacari was hit and killed by a car and the driver never stopped; a hit and run. I rush home to tell my man; the only father Jacari has ever known the horrible news so we can head to the hospital together An he's in here fuckin my twin sister. This has literally been the worse day of my life. I feel so betrayed right now but all I really want is to see my sons handsome face again. How could anyone just hit a child and keep going ? A innocent fuckin child.. My child ....

The fucked up part is that no one besides my mother showed their face at the hospital tonight. Nobody came to say their goodbyes to my Bby. Nobody came to be there for me.... Just my mother of course. I don't feel the love at all. Thank God for the woman who birthed me, she's a life saver. She is going to take care of her grandsons funeral because Lord knows I can't handle it at the moment. Not to mention I now need to move because I can't stand the sight of my house being that I just lost my family that I built inside that place. Chris and I have been together since I was 4 months pregnant w/ Jacari. How could he let my twin come in between what we shared ?

I didn't even tell my mother about them two. I can't even deal w/ that shit right now. Truth is neither of them could possibly love me or my son because I have yet to receive a call from neither one.

It's been 3 days since the worse day of my life and all I have to say right now is that depression is real. My sons wake was initially suppose to be today, but let's be honest who would even show up ?

I get to leave this crazy ass hospital today and I'm getting a nice hotel room and I'm going to eat for the first time in 3 days, shower and sleep the day away. I have to mentally prepare myself to say my final goodbyes to my first and only child tomorrow.

         Today is the day.......

To my surprise lots of people showed up to my sons home going. Even the adults in the neighborhood came, and even let their children attend as well. Family and friends also, including Jazz, Chris and his side of the family. The detectives too. I cried throughout the whole service and my mother stayed by my side the entire time.

The home going was beautiful and seeing my son looking at peace for the last time put my mind at ease a bit. I'm feeling down, not depressed anymore so I know I will soon start to be okay. I can never get over this but w/ time it will get better. I watched everyone say their goodbyes and lay a rose on top of his casket. My twin Jazz even said goodbye and laid her rose. Chris never stood up, or came close to Jacari's casket; maybe it was too hard for him. Although I never seen him shed any tears. He made it clear that he didn't care about me when he was fucking my twin in our bed, and he also made it clear that he didn't care about Jacari when he never showed up that night. So from here on out he was no longer my concern. He'd have to grieve alone. As the service ended I stayed behind not wanting to leave my Bby. Everyone was leaving and I was happy to have some alone time. I just stood there w/ lots of memories flowing through my head. I told my son I love him and the tears started flowing. I felt a tap on my shoulder and quickly turned around, thinking everyone had left....

"Don't touch me Jazz."

"Relax Jae. I just came over here to check on you, I love you and I'm sorry you are going through this."

"You love me? That's bullshit."

"You don't have to stand here and listen to this shit Jazz. Jae I wish you the best but our son is gone now. I'll never have to deal w/ you again. Jazz and I are gunna be together and you just have to deal w/ it."

"Fuck you Chris."

Was the only thing I could muster up. Those words stung so damn bad but I just stood there refusing to let them break me. They started walking away.....
Chris turned to me.

"Oh Yeah Jae, Jazz is pregnant w/ my child....."