Just Venting

Current Struggle... Fear

It is because I am a freak. The biggest freaks of all nature.

I have pretty normal dream jobs. I mean you know the normal stuff every teenager wants to do when they grow up. Like be a proffessional Assassin, I considered being one of the top Strippers in California, and also a Veterinarian. Cool right?

Well the thing is I cannot pursue any of those.

Takes years to even be considered good as an Assassin.

Don't have three S's to be stripper.

                Skinny

                Skilled

                Sexy

Don't have $$ to go to college for Vet.

Well now I will get some crummy job and be a serial killer.

I have so much anger stored inside me that I was told I have a great chance of killing someone if I cannot control it.

I can't control it. My old godmother got drunk one day and her and my mom ended up arguing. I was getting sick of it so while we were driving on the highway, I opened my door and threatened to jump. Didn't work.

When we got to the house it got worse. She went after my family and she was gone.

I jumped on her back and wrapped my arms around her neck. Her sister and my mom tried pulling me off and I ende up grabbing some of the skin on her throat and shoved her head over the railing of the porch. I, still holding throat skin, choked her by jabbing my fist against her throat.

I looked in her eyes as she stared straight up. I saw fear, hurt, and I knew she just swallowed her lies. She always talked about how big and bad she was. Before the physical fighting she said she wasn't scared to go back to jail. She wasn't and I knew that. But she did nothing.

I think she slapped me, but I didn't feel it.

I would have had a fine victory if my mom and her sister stayed away.

I ended up on the floor because of them two and Chelsea came to get on top of me and I pushed her back with my foot.

After awhile of that I ended up inside the house with a sore throat and a knife by my side as I stood in the doorway. My mom, Suzi, tried holding me inside and Vadell shouted that I had a knife and Chelsea dropped her jaw and her sister widened her eyes. But they did not know at the time that I stabbed myself. I stabbed my leg and when I looked at it there was a bruise around it and blood.

But I did not mension my passion for animals.

We have had our white miniature lab and pit bull for six years, since he was born. I love him more than anything and he always cuddles with me when I am upset.

When Chelseas baby went to eat food off the carpet, Buddha growled at her, well bit her hand.

she is alive boo hoo. grow up you ugly whore.

Awhile later the baby hit Buddha while Chelsea was playing video games with this one guy. Well Buddha growled and snapped a little at her. thats it. Well let me say Chelsea knew that Buddha has had a hard past with kids who are shorter than me. He will growl at a baby or infant anyway. He is scared of them. He used it as defense.

Chelsea picked up Buddha by his collar and once I saw, I dove on Buddha to pull him down. I sat on him kind of, and hovered myy body over him to defend him as I took his collar off. I layed till i knew it was safe.

I put his collar back on and took him for a walk. When I was still in the house Meredeth called me naive and stubborn. She said other stuff too. I never hated myself more.

On the walk I sat with Buddha in my lap and a razor in my hand, I cut my wrists. Buddha saw and licked it. He put his head on it and even the blood that dripped down my arm and stained my hoddie got tan dog hair on it. I went to the house cleaned it. Then tried hard to cover it from my mom