Redemption.

Chapter 4

"Welcome students." McGonagal announced. Draco had to tear his eyes away from the Gryffindor table and focus on her instead. "I'm sure you are all tired from the long journey, so let the feast begin."

Then suddenly, all the empty golden dishes were filled to the brim with the most mouth watering dishes anyone had ever tasted. Draco looked at the food and the people around him, again feeling a bit of nostalgia welling up inside. Blaise sat ext to him, not talking but just gobbling up everything within two feet of him. They'd come to a truce, as neither of them wanted the old friendship to fade away. Of course, it would take time for them to be like they were all those year ago, but..everything had a base, a foundation right? Draco hoped this truce was a foundation to build their friendship.

Suddenly his heart felt heavy and he didn't feel hungry anymore. How many people had he lost in his life? How many friends? Relationships? All because he was too cowardly to stand up to the Dark Lord, and he still couldn't call him by his real name. He got up to leave, not wanting to be surrounded by such a huge crowd but Blaise pulled him down.
"Where are you going?" Blaise asked.

"Don't feel hungry anymore." Draco said. "I'll probably come back a while later."

"Are you sure, man?" he asked, slightly worried.

"Yeah..I'll see you later."
And he walked out of the hall, not noticing a pair of brown eyes following his progress. He walked out of the castle, out into the grounds, the cold night stinging his cheeks. He welcomed the cold, the darkness, because he felt a little comforted. It numbed the pain that was threatening to overpower him. He walked down towards the lake, and sat down, his back propped against a tree. The lake looked as cold as steel, not a single ripple in it's dark waters. The grounds were bathed in soft moonlight, and he could make out the dim shadow of the tree above him.
Such a peaceful night, he thought. But what about that night?

That night when bodies fell again and again...monstrous creatures standing amidst them...screams and wails...cold, high-pitched laughter...

He found it hard to breathe. At this rate, he didn't know how he was ever going to recover from the pain. The guilt that tore at his heart. Was he going to live like this forever, drowning in the sea of his sins? Hadn't he heard, dimly somewhere, something about second chances? Wasn't he going to get one to redeem himself? To at least minimize his self loathing? He found that he couldn't cry either. Maybe fate didn't want him to let out his emotions. Maybe it wanted him to just bottle up everything inside, until one day he exploded.

He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear the soft footsteps approaching him.
"Malfoy?" He looked up, he could make out the outline of Granger standing two feet away from him, though he couldn't see her face. He didn't answer, wondering why she had followed him out of the castle. Maybe to scorn at him? Why else would she want to be alone with him?

"Malfoy?" She called again, a little louder. He still didn't answer, waiting for her to start whatever she'd come to say to him.

"Why aren't you answering?" she asked, irritably. She took a step forward, and he shrunk back into the tree. Perhaps she noticed because she stopped.
"This is the last time I'm calling you and you bloody well-" she started, but he cut to the chase.

"What do you want, Granger?" He voice cracked when he said her name.

She sat down directly opposite to him. "What are you doing here?" she asked. He was able to see her more clearly now, but he couldn't make out what expression her face held.

"What is it to you?" it came out a bit more harsh than he intended it to be, but he couldn't help it. Why couldn't she stop beating around the bush and just yell at him and go away? He was pretty sure that's why she'd sought him out like this. Alone. Helpless.

"Look, Malfoy. I know it's not easy to forget whatever happened, all right? And as much as I hate you, I don't mind giving a bit of friendly advice, now that we've come to a sort of...truce."

"I don't need your advice."

He could tell she was starting to get irritated at his lack of enthusiasm.

"Whatever." she snapped. "I'm going to tell you anyways."

He frowned at her in the dark. What was she doing? "Granger? Why are you-"

This time she cut him off. "You're going to hear me out, whether you like it or not. Do you realize most of us didn't come back? Most of us didn't because this castle held too many memories-good and bad. But some of us who came back, came back for a reason. And you're one of them. You can't just sit like this wasting yourself away. You could have done that anywhere in the world, for all I care. All I'm saying is that you've got to come out of the shell. It's been hard on all of us, all right? You're not the only one who lost their parents...you're not the only one whose family tore apart..."

All the while Draco listened with baited breathe. She was throwing at him everything he never wanted to admit. She was throwing at him all the things that he didn't want to catch.
"...I understand your parents are in Azkaban-" his head snapped up, and he felt anger boil up in the pit of his stomach. What did she understand? She probably felt sorry for him, and he didn't like that. He didn't want anybody to feel sorry for him. He stood up, his breathing ragged.
"I don't need your pity, Granger." He spat, and she stood up too.

"I'm not-" she started.

"Just shut up! Give it a rest, and leave me alone!"

"But-"

"I said...LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" he screamed, clenching his fists.

She just stood there looking at him dimly. Then she shook her head in a dejected fashion, turned around, and trudged back up to the castle.
Draco collapsed on the ground, trying to calm himself down. He could hear her words again and again in his mind. Wasting yourself away...come out of that shell...parents in Azkaban...
Granger couldn't possibly understand how he felt. He had built that shell around him, to protect himself, afraid of the world. But her words had hit him, had hit very close to home...and after almost a year of building himself this..wall, Granger unknowingly, had made a crack in it's shell...