'Exquisite Mosca am I!'
My name is Hieronymus the Liar, an interesting title to be sure. I am no longer a wandering maverick, but a maverick with some half-baked purpose. As may be expected, I did not plan my life to be like this but, upon re-enteri...
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When we meet up again, Nic proposes, quite out of the blue, that we fight a Hydra – according to him, we will get 4000-ish gold from its death. I wonder why he would suddenly propose such a thing, but I do like the sound of the gold. I agree. It might be fun. I've never fought a Hydra before, in any case. Something new, something novel. Wonderful.
To get the Hydra contract – actually, how did Nic find out about the Hyrda? – we have to go to the Warrens. Nic goes in, and spends a million years there. The rest of us just do nothing outside and get bored. I feel myself aging.
Finally, he comes back. He has been inducted into the Warrens which is why it took so long, but we do have the contract on the Hydra. I did not realise how much paperwork there would be. But I don't want to join the Warrens. Being tied down to something like that seems too... boring.
We go off to the train station. There are lots of military people there, a lot. Twelve thousand or something. They are getting on trains too. At least they aren't commoners.
We get on the better and more expensive area of the train – because I bug Nic – and it's decent. I'm just glad we're not in with the working folk. Nic seems annoyed we're all paying a lot, but I told him he could go where he wanted. I was just not going to sit down where a non-worthy backside has been. Nic goes off to the jazz bar and seems to cheer up there. I also go to the bar to scope out the sort of people who use the train.
I spy a blond elven woman who seems quite attractive. I buy us a drink as I get talking to her. She is confident in herself, though careful and quiet... but the way she is looking at me tells me I am not getting anywhere flirting with her. She has something else in mind... She introduces herself as Amane and bids me follow her to her private room. I can tell I won't be getting what I wished for, but I follow anyway. Once we are alone, she tells me she is the holder of Serenity; just as I am under Guile's patronage, she is under Serenity's. She says she will be keeping an eye on me... then she turns into a bird and flies off.
I carve Grombindal's name on the wall of her carriage with my sword. If I'm upset, someone has to take some sort of fall.
We all depart the train at Littlecrest and Nic and I go to the mayor's office, as we are the best diplomats.
We go off to find the Hydra – Nic and I got a bit tired on the walk. If I can give anyone any advice, it's "don't smoke" because it does nothing for you – through Grombindal's directions. We find some blood, which Grombindal examines, and comes to the conclusion it is Dwarf's blood. He suddenly has a burning hatred in his eyes.
When we come to its lair, Grombindal goes and sets fire to trees. For why, I am not sure, but the blazes look too minimal to cause any forest fires. After that, we lure the Hydra out and begin! It is pretty tough, though we soon realise we have to use fire to quell its regenerative powers. Nic and Grombinal take the brunt of the Hyrda's fury, while Xanaphia and Isolde shoot and cast at it. Xanaphia does devastating damage, and I try to keep pace with her. We scatter heads left right and centre, me always making sure to use my green-flame blade to cauterise the wounds and keep them permanent. It is me who delivers the final blow, landing a hard eldritch-smite on its back.
I am ecstatic, high! Or is that the Hydra's poison affecting me? I cannot tell, but I feel great. I pour over my kill, the power I have from Guile. It is no longer a sickening feeling but a wonderful one... a silken hand caressing my soul!
As I ponder myself, Grombindal and Isolde try to cut it up, but Grombindal ends up passing out due to his piercing of the poison glands. It's quite unfortunate, really, and slightly embarrassing for him to fall when the threat is dead. Oh dear, Grombindal.
We end up taking a few of its heads, its lungs, its hide and its blood, which Nic is very feverish to take. I have to keep some of the icky components in my own bag, my bag of cooling. It is disgusting, but it is what I must do to contribute.
We begin to head back and this time the walk is not so bad. Nic and I are fine. We all go to the mayor's office, where he thanks us. But he throws us out when we begin quarrelling, and when Isolde tries and fails to seduce him. He must have seen our unprofessionalism.
Back on the train, I decide Nic needs to unwind and use charm person on him. I give him the idea of chatting up a halfling girl and seeing where it goes from there... Nic is an attractive man, so I think he will do well, and will go quite far with this girl... at least I hope so. It was a charm against his will, but hey-ho. Unfortunately, when he speaks to the girl, he uses the word "cunt" to her face. I should have tried to soft his dialect while I was at it... she is not impressed and leaves. Nic goes to bed, and I am very disappointed because I was trying to... ahem, rather hedonistically, satisfy my urge for, hm, how to put this delicately... well, voyeurism. I won't lie.
No matter, I must pick myself up despite the failure. Quite suddenly, because she cannot find anyone she considers attractive on the train, she suggests a foursome. Yes. A foursome including her, Xanaphia, Grombindal and me. I agree, mostly because I have had my eye on Xanaphia for a while, and because Isolde says it will be purely casual.
I will admit, Nic's terrible performance that ended my fantasies meant I didn't perform as well as I could have done during the first round. The second round I was much better... but Xanaphia was fantastic, everything I assumed she would be. And I can now first-hand confirm that Grombindal's penis is as big as he says it is. Not attractive, but that doesn't matter if you close your eyes.
Some time later, Nic, Grombindal and I go to look at a magic sword we discovered sometime. I do not remember where, it must have been before the Hydra. Maybe it was during the Hydra and I was simply so high I do not recall at all where we found it. Nic, who is not an offensive fighter at all, offers the sword to me. It's quite attractive.
"Don't take it, let the Dwarf have it."
Guile speaks inside my head. It is the first time he has spoken in a while, and I react, to which Nic takes notice. He frowns. I give up the sword, and Grombindal accepts it. I must stay true to my own blade, as Guile says. Besides, it was my trusty blade that brought down that Hydra, so I cannot complain.
