Broken words

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I gaze upon the starless sky,
Tired and anxious for no reason why,
I think "won't I be better off dead?"
As I watch others walk on by.

I wonder why I only feel pain,
So I ask "am I the only one,
So trapped, so lonely,
Forever in this gilded cage?"

My mask in place,
A smile so fake,
Yet it hides my agonizing pain,
At least that's what I learnt.

The pain I feel,
Just makes me want to disappear,
No knives can replace it,
No pens can make it better.

Even though I write these words,
Please understand it's not a plea,
I want you to know how fucked up I feel.
I want you to know what a mess I am!!

I don't want your help,
I feel better in the pain,
Cause the pain can NUMB
All the hurt her words cause.

My mind seems shattered,
My own broken world,
With a blood hunters moon,
And a quiet, dead forest surrounding me like a maze.

No matter which way I run,
No matter how many times I scream,
I'm always alone in this foggy haze.
With no hope in sight.

I gaze upon the dark grey sky,
As raindrops fall on the ground.
I stop and think
" Won't it all be better if I were to die?"

Because truth be told,
I'm not really living,
With all the dreadful words she spews,
Why should I be allowed freedom.

After all,
I truly am worthless,
Nothing but a stranger,
A loner and an outsider.

Written: 25/06/2016

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