Monolouges

Stay

I've been alone all my life...

My mom left when i was little and my dad didn't take it well...

I remember all of the empty beer bottles and cigarette cartons, tossed around the house as if they were just regular potted plants you'd find in a home. It didn't bug me though...

My dad didn't like me very much when he was drinking, he didn't like anyone in that state of mind but I still remember every bruise, every sprained rib, every cuss and slur he threw my way like it was happening all over again.

Since then, I pushed everyone away and all I felt was numbness surrounding me like a blanket. I didn't want that pain again so I used that blanket as my sheild from the outside world but instead, all I got was a cold loneliness in return. I was safe and secure but all alone, yet again...

I can't take it anymore! I'm tired of hiding away from the world instead of living in it!

I only just found you, but I trust you, I feel things for you I've never felt toward anyone and it seems like you feel that way too. I dont need my sheild to keep me safe because you do it even better, and im not so lonely. I have permanent scars and nightmares all the time, and I'm sorry I can't be perfect for you but you make those scars seem to fade and when you hold me at night, the nightmares disappear. Please, don't leave me alone again. Don't let the darkness come back, creeping in from the shadows to surround me and smother out the only light I have left, the light you helped me find again. You can keep away the darkness.... all you have to do is stay.

Stay and say you'll hold me through the nightmares, tell me everything is okay now. I have you. Stay and say I am perfect in your eyes. I will stay. I won't let you go. I won't hurt you like he did. I will stay. I will make our little apartment seem like a true home because it is for us. I will stay... You have me down on my knees to beg you for this one simple action that will keep us both from falling, drowning out in darkness, surrounded by the cold loneliness.

Please....

Just stay...