The Oasis

Chapter 5 (b)

I am awake as the first bit of sun peaks above the horizon. I lay on my back watching the light make strange shadows on my ceiling.The pain medication I had taken just hours ago, had allowed me a few hours of sleep. As the pain crept back , so did the nightmares. These nightmares were new, different then the ones I have been suffering from the last few months. These were not about my impending doom. They were not littered with my failure of the upcoming test but about Felix. I could see him, hear him as though he were standing right here in my room. The violent visions ripped through me to the point that I refuse to close my eyes. So I laid there waiting for the light of day. Hoping that it would ease the pain.

A light knock on my door came just shortly after the sun had completely risen from its evening slumber. I just laid there, hoping that if I didn't respond they would just go away. I wasn't ready for this day. The day after. The day of explaining and answering questions I really had no answers for.

Another light knock.

Please just go away!

"Magda, are you awake?" His voice although muffled through the door makes me sit up.

"Magda, please let me in I can hear you moving in there." He pleads through the crack in the door jam. I pause, I really don't want to see anyone right now, but Mika is not just anyone, and I haven't spoke to him in over a week. I sit up in bed, careful not to aggravate my already throbbing side. I'm due for pain medication but that will have to wait a bit longer. As I move to a sitting position I realize that my body is stiff, every muscle and bone screams in defiance as i shift slightly. I can hear him turn from the door and start walking away.

"Mika!" I say loud enough so he can hear, but not loud enough to wake our parents.

The door knob turns and he pokes his head inside.

"Hey! You can come in." He opens the door and quietly closes it behind him. He stands for a moment at the door, looking down on me, his face twisted with emotion.

"Hey!" He responds hesitating before coming over and sitting on the edge of my bed. His eyebrows are furled, his face riddled with guilt, pain, and something else ... worry, he is worried.

"Mags... I am so sorry..." He begins but I can't let him take all the blame in this.

"Stop, you don't have to do that."

"But I do, I had no idea, I was so stupid, I thought you were being a spoiled brat. I thought you just wanted your friend to yourself. I knew what could happen if things went bad between Lizzie and I , I just never really thought about it. You always hear the stories, but I've never actually seen someone taken before." He stops and looks down at his hands, he rubs and twists them together, nervously waiting for my responds.

" I've never seen it either. Not till last night. But your right, I wasn't really concerned with what would happen if you and Lizzie broke the rules. I was just being selfish. Lizzie was my only friend until.." My voice trails off. I haven't spoken his name out loud in almost 12 hours. I don't want to yet.

" Did you know?" He doesn't even dodge it, he just straight up asks.

" No. I keep thinking to myself that maybe I missed something. Maybe if I had seen something, paid attention more, then maybe I could have prevented all this."

" Don't do that Mags, don't beat yourself up over unanswered questions, they'll drive you crazy."

"But it is all driving me crazy!" My desperation leaks out as I fight back the urge to cry.

"I'm questioning everything. I hate that I don't know what he did. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe he didn't mean to do it. If that's the case then he's still that person I know and care about. If that is what happened then I find myself hating "them", cursing their existence, I am so angry at them ,all of them." My voice shakes as I spit out those last few words.