Unspoken

Image

I see a photo .... any lower than my face then I wish for it to disappear
My body - I hate it
Plain and simple I despise it
But I can't do a thing out of my free will
Nothing but bend and flex to it's will
I'm not eating meat for lent
It's a lie.
I'm slowly forcing myself into self discipline so much so I'll be able to decline food offered to me so much so I'll slowly stop eating
It's simple so simple to change the way you think
To make a 'habit'
And to break a bad one
So why's it so hard for me
Why must I continue to indulge in what made my body like so
What must I do to be
"Comfortable in my own skin"

I wrote this 2 years ago ... my mentality hasn't changed
Well, it wasn't a lie I stopped eating meat for lent but it's true my actions had ulterior motives.
How misfortunate .
For, even now
I don't bother to say I don't like the photos taken because my friends always look good in it .
Why should one average girl uncomfortable with her complexion, make it difficult for those already satisfied?
Why should I, the one who always looks bad in pictures, on "purpose" ,ever say it wasn't ?
Why should I the 'strongest in mentality' show any of my weaknesses?

Why
Why,
Why?
Why!

Because i was created to please others.
by being the uglier one it unconsciously pleases the prettiest ones
By being the fatter one it makes them feel better about their weight?
By being lazy I please the ones that put little effort
At least that's what I think
At least it's what I presume
But my presumptions always end up correct
Good or Bad