The Awkward Dating Life of a Queer Girl (girlxgirl)

CHAPTER 3 - There is always tomorrow

I heard Alphaville's guitar entrance of Forever Young blaring through my room as I looked at my ceiling with those stupid decorative stars that shone in the dark and contemplated the last time I had let my eyes search the real ones. It was that night, that so scruciating still sweet night. I shut my eyes trying to vanish the memory of her face by the moonlight out of it, but I just couldn't.
"DAMN YOU"
I said throwing my stuffed R2D2 at the invisible force I was apparently fighting. I sighed frustrated with myself. How could I get this way? So pathetic, but still I could not find any will to change my current mood.
I let the music hit the chorus and started to sing along.
"Forever young I wanna be forever young...."
I hugged my stuffed friend close to me then, like this could make me feel a little bit better.
"Okay, that is so fucking depressing!"
I turned my head up and saw Jess entering my room with a disbelief look. I soon sat up embarrassed, but not as much I should have been honestly.
"This is busy? Moping in your room?"
I heard anger in her voice, which was understandable since I'd ditched her saying I had things to do.
"Well, moping could be considered a kind of exercise... So yeah, busy"
She glared at me taking my R2D2 off of me and marching to my vinyl player.
I furrowed my brows in confusion as I saw her stopping the song.
"What are you doing?"
I saw as she raised the disc over her head and then I caught her intention.
"JESS FOR FUCK SAKES STOP!"
I was suddenly on my feet and luckily could take the disc of her hands before she could smashed it. She tried to fight me, but I jumped into the bed once more getting distance from the manic in my room.
"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? THIS IS COLLECTABLE!"
I embraced the disc to my chest like it was a precious baby.
"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF JESUS CHRIST SANG THIS! YOU HAVE BEEN HEARING THE SAME SONG AND MOPING AROUND FOR TWO MONTHS, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"
She jumped into the bed practically tackling me. I fell and before I could even say something she straddled me and grabbed the disc from my hands. I could only muster the letter N of NO before I heard my precious baby cracking into the wall she had just thrown it. WHY GOD WHY?
I kept my gaze at the wall almost crying.
"Whyyyyy did you do that?"
She sighed seeming to take some sympathy at my state.
"Sam, look at me"
I looked up still pouting. I knew it was not something this big, but apparently I was very sensitive at that moment.
I could see Jess's blue eyes emitting concern in a level they had never done. Okay, maybe she had some reason to be acting in that bitch mode.
"I did that because you've been living in your room for two months, singing to that damn song, depressing over some ghost of a girl who maybe you will never see again. Sam, you are a mess. Look at you! Have you even taken a shower today?"
I stopped to analyze my situation and decided Jess was kind of right. Here was I in only a stained old shirt and panties, laying in bed in the middle of the day, and for the matter of fact I did not take a shower today. I get her point, but she didn't understand, she didn't understand what it felt like that night. To meet someone who makes you feel so fucking good about yourself, someone who made you believe things you dreamed were possible, someone you had an instant intense overwhelming connection and to top all of it was beautiful. And suddenly you wake up to find that someone is gone. I swear to god, I know I did not know her at all, but it didn't feel that way. It was like the books, two tormented souls that were meant to find each other. Okay, maybe I was dramatizing it a little, but it did feel like something special, something out of the ordinary. And for some stupid reason I thought she felt it too. Apparently, she did not. It was heartbroken to find myself alone at that oak tree that morning, with nothing to remember her by, not even a note. I admit that I got a little out of my mind trying to find out at least her name. I went back to Melissa's house, tried to inquire her about the girl or the people she apparently knew. Much to my dismay Melissa did not know them, and nobody from our school knew them apparently since I practically created a new inquisition with no successful results. I had told Jess and James about what had happened and more and more I came to the conclusion that they thought I had taken some kind of drug and made the whole night up. After all, she was like my own Cinderella without a shoe. To be quite frank, I wasn't even sure myself sometimes that I hadn't made her up.
Jess got off me and stood beside my bed, and I knew she was making her authoritarian pose.
"You know how hard has been for me and James? It's like we lost you, I can't lose you Sam and I definitely can't stand seeing you like this any longer. So get your moping ass into the shower cause we are going out"
I had not thought what I was going through could affect my friends that much, maybe I was being selfish. I could see a little pain flicker in Jess's eyes as she tried to calm her breathing from our previous physical engagement and I felt my heart twist a little. I did not want to cause this and as much as I disliked the idea of getting out of the house, I knew I had to do it.
I stood up then and hugged Jess tightly. I felt her stiffen at my touch since she was not used with me initiating any kind of physical contact but she soon wrapped her arms around me and relaxed.
"Thank you..."
I whispered in her ear. And she knew what I meant. I could feel her smiling in response.
"God you stink, go!"
I laughed at her nodding and then made my way to the bathroom.