March, 14, 2018
Dear Jake Taylor,
Today's going to be an amazing day, and here's why. Because - because today, um, all you have to do is just, be yourself. But also confident that's important and interesting, like easy to talk to, approachable. But mostly be yourself that's the big like - like that's number one, be yourself. Just um, just be true to yourself.
Also but don't worry whether your hands are going to get sweaty for no reason, you can't make it stop no matter what you do, because - because they're not gonna get sweaty so I don't know why you're bringing it up because it's not gonna happen because all you have to do is just be yourself.
Don't even worry about it, seriously, because it's not like - it's it's not gonna be like that time when you had the perfect chance to introduce yourself to Veronika Paciorek at the chorus concert last year, when you waited afterwards just to talk to her and tell her how good she was and - and you were gonna pretend to be super casual like you didn't even know her name.
Like she would introduce herself and then you'd be like, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you, Rika you said your name was Rika?" And then she'd be like, "No it's Nika, I said Nika." And then you'd be like "Oh see I thought you said Rika 'cause I'm just very busy with other stuff right now." Or something.
You didn't even end up saying anything to her anyways because you were scared that your hands were sweaty which, they weren't that sweaty until you started worrying that they were sweaty which made them sweaty so you put them under the hand dryer in the bathroom and then they were still sweaty they were just very warm now, as well.
Sincerely me,
I had just finished my letter for Dr. Hart, my therapist. I've been seeing him for the past few months. He's got me in some meds that I can't pronounce and doing this letter thing. I seems kinda stupid but my mom said I try it so......yeah. I mean I think it's been working. I'm not really sure. Not sure if you can tell but I'm still filled with awkwardness.
So here I am. Back at John Quincy Adams middle school. The source of most of my problems.
I had recently fell out of a tree during my job at the national park a few miles down the road. I broke my arm in two places, lucky me. So today's my first day back.
Now would probably be a good time to mention I have social anxiety. Basically, have trouble communicating with people.
Why am I addressing my own thoughts as an audience anyway? It's not like I'll ever have anyone to share them with.
I haven't had a real friend since......
I can't really remember when I last had a friend.
I mean.....uh......well...there's Seamus.....but he insists that I am just his 'family friend'. He only occasionally talks with me in the halls 'cause his mom will pay for his car insurance if he talks to me.
I don't really mind though. Life is just...hard.
Everyday I feel like I'm just tapping on the glass. Watching people pass. Waving through a window. Everyone continues on with their days and their lives while I'm forced to see it through this barrier. I'm trapped in my own mind. Pushed to the back unable to reach out. Sometimes I wish someone would wave back. Or break through the glass.
