Second Snapshot (Picture This Sequel: Niall Horan)

-Pushing it too far. [Chapter 11]

CHAPTER ELEVEN- Pushing it too far.

I couldn’t shake the feeling of warmth I got from his fingers when they brushed against my skin making me tingle with happiness. It’s absolutely impeccable how he still has this effect over me after so long of having this absence of any relationship or contact at all. It’s like everything’s still there, how his eyes staring into mine still make me weak at the knees and his touch is purely mesmerizing and he just makes me melt with a touch and a few words. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, I really don’t. How the hell am I supposed to pretend that I’m not still completely and utterly in love with him. I don’t even have to worry about falling for him again because I never fell out of being in love with him. And then when he grabbed my hand in his own his fingers entwining and then locking with mine with such care and passion at the same time. It was a small gesture, holding my hand for the ten seconds it took us to run back up to the house and burst through the door. But somehow the smallest of gestures are the best and mean the most to me. I still don’t understand though. How we’re doing this again, after so many tears and confusion we’re doing this again. Being all friendly and exchanging multiple niceties between us and today, I couldn’t decide whether this was over friendly, something more than civilly between two ex’s it almost seemed flirtatious how close we were today.

There I was again. Telling myself I’d just keep our relationship at arm’s length or maybe even further, not wanting to dirty my hands with the messy after details. I was here to work, do business, not make it blatant that I’m still falling for him even harder than I was before. And yet that was what I was doing. Everything opposite to what it would be wise to do and I knew this wasn’t right, it’s was so ridiculously un-right it was wrong but somehow I didn’t want it to stop. Being told by multiple people that to get something going on with Niall again was forbidden made it seem all the more worthwhile, all the more inviting to just forget the rules for once, rub out that fine white line between acceptable and un-acceptable with an eraser that would give it no chance of coming back. No boundary, deaf to any rules or scolding’s of not to. That was what I wanted, to do what I got so good at doing when I was with Niall, being spontaneous. Because nothing else should matter if I want to bring everything from last year back but it’s not always about what I want. Niall probably doesn’t want that, not after what I said and did. How much I crave to have it all back is indescribable but it takes two to make a relationship and however much I love him and am prepared to slip back into this relationship he may not be and one person’s love isn’t enough, it takes two and right now, I don’t think we have that.

Despite how I knew a relationship wasn’t going to happen again between us I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face as I finished up folding my clothes onto the chair by the door and took a step back carefully backing onto the bed and perching myself on the end as I had a moment of reflection on my life and what it’s become. It’s crazy. So freaking crazy, stupid and messed up. Why am I here right now? In a beach house in LA with the boy’s that I was best friends with this time last year and most of all Niall. Because I’m their stylist, right? Somehow that doesn’t seem to be the proper answer, just a cause. Is it really divine intervention that I’m here right now? So near Niall after a year of reflection apart. Somehow I just feel that these are all signs, how I can’t fall out of love with him and how he still makes me melt, how wherever I go trouble seems to follow me but Niall’s always there to help me and care, how however far I run or wherever I end up he always seems to turn up. I can’t get away from him wherever in the world I go and maybe I like it.

This was all too familiar. Three AM and the soft melodic strum of guitar strings floating in the air the vibrations of the instrument so beautifully played interrupting the silence of the house at night besides the crashing of the waves outside. I didn’t know what to do. I had to go back in there to get my pyjamas so I could get into bed I was just counting on the fact that he’d be asleep by now but it was blatant that he wasn’t and wasn’t going to be anytime soon. I drew in some air through my teeth and decided I would just have to get in and get back out. Maybe he won’t even see me and I just can just nab my top off of the radiator and be out of there. I was supposed to be asleep an hour ago under his commands that I needed my sleep since he found out that I barely sleep anymore little does he know that he’s the reason for that. I carefully got up cautious not to step on the third floorboard outside of my room because it lets out a shrill creaking sound if you put the tiniest bit of weight on it.