Second Snapshot (Picture This Sequel: Niall Horan)

-Confess me. [Chapter 46]

CHAPTER FORTY SIX- Confess me.

One.

Two.

Three.

“Hi you’ve reached Ashley! Sorry I can’t take your call right-“

Bloody hell.

The number was staring me right in the face, mocking me, punishing me for my sins.

Ashley Jessicaa Dawson<3 (56) Failed calls.

The story of my life for the past three days. But in all honesty, what did I expect? Did I expect her to just forgive me like nothing happened? To tell me it was fine, and that she forgave me? Ashley is a very forgiving person, but not that forgiving. I didn’t deserve it, I knew I didn’t. And neither did she deserve to be treated the way I’ve treated her lately. But I still did that. I don’t even know where I found the heartlessness to do that though. I was normally the one who had to chase her, who had to ring her because she was equally as busy as me. Maybe I kind of enjoyed the feeling of being the one with the missed calls, the text messages, voicemails, just to feel a bit of attention from her, since a lot of it goes to her job. Which is completely understandable, her job is involved; I know that much and I understand that we can’t talk to each other all the time. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, if she’s making the effort, why couldn’t I? Did I feel proud of myself? Maybe it just felt nice to feel wanted from her. To face the facts, on the outside, every guy wants a girl like Ashley. And it felt special to know that I was the only guy that she was chasing, that she was leaving the voicemails for and that she had eyes for and wanted to speak to. At least I thought that until I saw those pictures. But I guess she didn’t feel much better when she saw the pictures of me. So maybe, when I thought I was doing the right thing, I was being a major hypocrite.

And of course it didn’t help that Zayn and Louis felt the need to keep dropping in these comments. Telling me that it was fine, I didn’t have to speak to her every day, just because I’m in a relationship it doesn’t mean I should have to feel tied down all the time. But the truth was that I didn’t feel tied down when I was in my normal routine of calling her, video calling and texting her whenever I could. Because I wasn’t tied down, that was my own decision, it was what I wanted to do and it was my way of feeling like I was staying close to her even if physically she’s on the other side of the world. But I listened to them – let them convince me – that she wouldn’t mind that I wasn’t speaking to her a lot, or at all. They said it was good to have a bit of free rein in relationships, to have a break sometimes. Maybe it is for them, but now I’ve realised that it’s not like that at all for me. I don’t want to have free rein, I’m perfectly happy with my long distance relationship with the girl I love, or I was, until I let them convince me to screw things up.

I was at a complete loss without speaking to her though. I was beside myself; I had no clue what to do. Like when I picked up my phone I had nothing to do with it because I would normally be picking it up to text or call Ashley or whatever.

I found myself typing another text, this is literally about the hundredth text like this and I’ve completely spammed her phone, but I don’t know what else to do.

I’m sorry. I really am. x

It wasn’t like I was expecting her to reply, or possibly even open it, but I sent it anyway; just in one, desperate attempt to get the message across and hopefully hope she’d believe me. After it sent, I felt the anger bubbling up inside of me and before I knew it I was watching it fly across the room, hitting the wall it fell to the floor, falling apart as it did so. But I was too used to watching things fall apart in front of my very eyes to care.