CHAPTER FIFTY ONE- Uncounted for visits and progress.
“So they think soon?”
I squeaked into the phone the tears already filling my eyes. I slid down onto the mahogany chair and shakily rested my arms on the counter. The eggs were spitting and cracking behind me and the clock was ticking loudly as the pendulum swung from side to the side reposing of frequent and repetitive movement as it always was. But all I could concentrate on was my Father’s voice and ragged breath crackling through my speaker. I ran a hand through my hair pushing it from my face as I refrained tears squinting my eyes shut and constantly wiping at my eyes now making them scarcely saw with my own hopeful and desperate touch.
“There’s no telling for sure. They could be completely wrong or bang on the spot; but they think within a month or so. They’re seeing reactions, she’s been murmuring things. They actually deciphered it to be something about Niall…Any idea where that’s come from?”
I felt my heat rise up into my throat beating loudly in my ears as my temples whirred and reposed a waver of dizziness but I soon resumed myself. I knew Niall had been to see her multiple times, but I wasn’t aware he spent that much time there. Or at least that much time for him to be the name she uttered. But in a way I was kind of proud, maybe he’d made as much of an impact on her as he had on me the first time he went there said those words to her not meaning for me – or anyone – to hear. Ellie wasn’t as into the swoony lovely dovey stuff as me, but even she couldn’t deny that he what he said was completely adorable and just purely beautiful, even if she hadn’t heard it all.
“I-I might have a few ideas.”
I stammered. The smile was evitable in my tone and there was a silence at the other end of the line as my Father took this remark in. It said it all, and it said nothing at all. I’d always loathed it when people fed them to me, but right now, it seemed like the perfect thing to say. Because maybe, still, some things are better left unexplained.
He made a quaint hmph sound and it was clear he didn’t understand. But maybe it was better off that there were some things he didn’t know. After all, as a child I used to tell my Father everything, now, he knows a few things, but not a lot. But the insides on my relationship with Niall I intend to keep to myself, and between Niall and I. There was something enticing about having things to keep to myself, or ourselves. I loved sharing secrets with Niall; it just made me feel even closer to him. And even though we’ve had a rough past few months I can’t help but feel it’s only made us stronger, I feel closer to him now and the thing is – I love him even more now – even though he put me through a lot I kind of appreciate it in a twisted kind of way because all that matters to me was that he was honest with me about it. And besides; what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
“So, what’s been going on with you lately?”
He queried and suddenly I felt bad about holding things back –important things – I mean, I’ve quit my job and I’m going back to London in two weeks. Even if things haven’t exactly been the best in family terms for the past six months or so he still deserves to know. I mean I held things with back with Niall aka not telling him about Justin and look how that turned out. Obviously the situation isn’t exactly the same but still, I felt like I owed it to him, somehow.
“Um well, don’t get too mad for me not telling you or consulting you, and I promise I really thought about this a lot before I actually did it. But…I quit my job and I-“
“What?!”
He exclaimed and I sighed spreading my hand out over my forehead I closed my eyes willing myself to just keep calm and not get defensive. I’d been better at doing this lately – it was more helpful as well – it made things a lot simpler too. I guess I’ve learned that not everything has to be complicated even though it seems like it. I ran my palms across the smooth and cool surface of the island as if doing this was some kind of ritual that was going to provide me with a way to phrase this to make it sound half feasible. But nothing came. I ran my fingers through my hair flipping it from my face I let my fingers travel the radius of the necklace smoothing up and down every time they hit the charm at the end I felt a shock of enchantment channel down into me so deeply it would flood my bone marrow. But nothing was going to help me conceal this – what I hadn’t told him – maybe there are some things you just can’t rephrase. They are what they are and they need to be put into the light that displays them as the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I took a few deep breaths and I could hear the ragged breathing of my Father at the other end as he sat wherever he was. Taking his five minute break at work? Day off at home? Stressing over something my Mother had said? Or maybe he was even doing or thinking something to do with Ellie. The thing was, I had no idea about him anymore the same way he had the faintest idea about me. And it seemed kind of hard to admit the truth to someone who you didn’t know anything about anymore. I didn’t want it to be like this; and suddenly I felt myself straining to change it. But I knew everything took time, and so did this, at least I thought so.
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