Second Snapshot (Picture This Sequel: Niall Horan)

-New beginnings. [Chapter 49]

CHAPTER FORTY NINE- New beginnings.

“Ashley can I ask you something?”

I queried feeling slightly hesitant. She pulled her gaze away from the TV which was sporting some kind of soap that we both weren’t really watching and looked up at me confusion filling her eyes. We had been switching in between channel hopping, talking and making out for the past few hours now and the anxiety was killing me. I had to know what changed in the time we spent apart. I think she was sensing it coming and she seemed kind of nervous but nonetheless she didn’t let it show and gave me a small smile.

“Shoot.”

She urged and I bit my lip rolling my gaze around the room so I could avoid staring at her and her body; she just looked so damn good. I think she had noticed how I was finding it hard not to stare now but she hadn’t said anything yet. Maybe she wanted to avoid the conversation, but we both knew it had to happen some when and the one we had earlier had taken way too long to come around.

“When…What changed in the time we err, didn’t see each other?”

I questioned and I could tell she was expecting this – but she didn’t seem to have an answer – she bit her lip and looked to her lap but I placed two fingers underneath her chin tilting it up to look at me. I had done my anxious confessions so now it was her turn.

“Promise you won’t get mad at me for not telling you?”

She winced and I furrowed my brow. Had she not just told me off for not telling her something? Maybe this wasn’t really important, but still. I fessed up to her, so it was her turn to fess up to me. She couldn’t expect me to never ask, it wasn’t like it was a bad thing either. I just wanted to know so I could tell her how proud I was of her.

“O-Okay. I promise.”

I agreed and she sucked in some air fiddling with her thumbs so I reached a hand out and took it in mine to stop her from doing that nervous thing she does. I really wanted to know what was so bad that I had promise not to get mad for her not telling me, in a way though, we had been on a break. So maybe she didn’t have to.

“I…I went to rehab.”

At first I wasn’t sure I had heard her right. But then I looked down at her worried expression and realised that this was anything but a misconception of my hearing. She went to rehab. My Ash went to rehab and I didn’t even know. I was busy drowning myself in guilt and sorrows in England while she was over here, on her own, in rehab. How didn’t I know this? More to the point, how didn’t the media know this? God she’d got lucky with this one. But by the looks of things, it had really helped her. But still, I found it hard to believe that nobody knew, at least that’s what I thought. And then I felt guilty, even if we were on a ‘break’ I still felt like I had to and wanted to be completely loyal to her. I promised her I was going to be there for her and I wasn’t, just another thing I let her down on.

“Ash…I’m-I’m not mad but…Why the hell didn’t you tell me? You didn’t have to go through that on your own. I can’t believe you did, I never loved you any less Ash, and if I had known, you wouldn’t have had to do that on your own.”

“You really wanna know why?”

She stammered. I nodded.

“Of course I do.”

“I-I wanted to do something on my own for once. You’ve been taking care of me and helping me for so long and it wasn’t fair. I was messed up Niall, you know I was. And it wasn’t fair on you to have to deal with that, you have and had your own life to deal with and I had my own, and that was my disorders. I wanted to fix myself, I did, and it wasn’t your job to fix me. It was mine, only I was able to save me from myself. I didn’t tell you exactly because of that; you would have been there for me, and although that’s really sweet and everything it wasn’t fair on you, you know? I wanted to get better on my own, and I actually, really, really feel I’ve actually achieved something. And you know that’s big for me, right? So I quit my job and I checked into rehab. And it was actually really good for me, at first it was horrible and I hated it, but I met some really amazing people and they helped me get better Niall. I only got out a few weeks ago and I can actually see improvements in myself, and it feels really special for me. It feels good you know? Like I’m finally in control again. I’m sorry for not telling you, but can you see why I didn’t?”