Adam Driver One Shots

Forgive • Kylo R x Reader

Warning: Self-harm

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"You're fucking insane!" You screamed from the other side of the kitchen counter. "Why would you kill them!?"

He slammed his fists on the counter and threw his helmet to the ground. "Because I had to! What do you think Snoke would do?!"

The both of you were so frustrated at eachother. You were angry at him for killing the Padawans.

And he because you wouldn't understand that if he hadn't have done that, you would be dead.

You took the apple you held in your hand and squeezed. "You shouldn't listen to him! Control yourself and block him from your mind!"

"You wouldn't understand!" He lit his lightsaber and started cutting through the marble of the kitchen counter and through all the objects around him with a roar.

"Look at you, he's in your head! Creating this destructive person that I used to know!" He stopped, but kept his lightsaber lit. You looked down at the apple, away from his heavily breathing form. "You're fucking insane." You spoke and threw the apple at him as hard as you could.

Without even looking up he stopped the apple with his force and crushed it, the juices fell and so did the bits of crushed apple. "I did it for you." He spoke softly so you almost didn't hear it; but you did. "I did this so Snoke wouldn't go through your head and crush your mind and break you." His tone was getting louder with each word he spoke; also becoming more violent. "I can't loose you!" He screamed. He stalked over to you with his red lightsaber still in hand and you looked into his eyes.

"You're a monster." You seethed.

He let out a roar and if you had not have ducked, your head would be on the floor, detached from your body. There was a large cut in the wall and you stayed on your hands and knees, crying heavily.

"I hate you!" You screamed through your sobs. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

It took him a couple of minutes to realize what he nearly did. "I–I'm so sorry." He whispered and dropped his lightsaber, which went away. "I was j–just mad."

"No shit."

He crouched down and reached for your shoulder. You noticed and flinched away, crawling to the wall that held the large gash.

"Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me!" You were glaring daggers at him.

"I didn't mean to (Y/N) I swear." He reached his hand out again and reached for your cheek. Yet you flinched again.

You were terrified of this man. The man you loved and where friends with. But he was a monster and didn't deserve your love.

"I don't even know you anymore." You whispered more tears coming to your eyes. You hated him, yet you loved him. Your feelings were conflicted.

"I know I've changed, but I did it for Snoke, for the First Order; and for you."

"The fuck you didn't. If you loved me, if you ever fucking loved me you would have never left the Resistance and wouldn't have killed those children!" You cried, your voice cracking softly, "I knew one of them like she was my own child." You got off of your hands and looked at him with slit eyes. "And you gave her the most agonizingly slow and painful death out of all of them!" You stood up and jumped at his crouched form.

You landed on him and started throwing punch after punch. He blocked them and took your fragile wrists in his large hands. You were still kicking and punching but he just pushed you back. You stumbled and watched him get his lightsaber with the force. You knew his anger was coming back, and you didn't want to risk getting your head chopped off again so you bolted to the bathroom and locked the door.

You heard his heavy footsteps on the ground outside the door. "Open the door (Y/N), right now."

"Why would I?" You asked and sat in the tub, holding your knees to your chest. "So you can slaughter me like you did to those poor, innocent children?" Your voice cracked and went soft when you said 'children'. You dropped your head into your knees and cried. You were reminded of the children's dead bodies laying on the ground. Your whole body just shook with each breath you breathed in and out.

"Open this damn door right now or so help me." He shouted and you just couldn't take it anymore. With your terrible habits as a child coming back and the death of all those children, Ben's anger and Snoke's powerful ways to control your mind; it was just too much.

You took a small blade form under the sink in the cabinet and held it between your fingers. You pushed the small blade into your wrist and groaned when the skin was pierced and split. You scrunched your face up but resisted screaming from the pain, not wanting Ben to become concerned.

The blade fell into the bathtub as you jumped when Ben's lightsaber cut through the door. He starts from the bottom and cuts around, creating a new door from the existing one. "You gave me no choice!" He shouted as he cut the door.

You tried your absolute hardest to cover your new cut with your sleeve, but the blood that stained the edges and wall of the tub was to obvious to cover. You were breathing heavily now, fear enveloped you as you worried about how Ben would react.

Yet, you picked the blade back up and pushed it into the cut, dragging closer to the inside of your elbow. It was a split second decision. If Ben was going to kill you, you'd rather die by your own hand.

The door fell into the bathroom and crashed into the mirror, sending shards of glass all over the place. "What the hell. . . ?" He whispered, seeing your now weak and cold body, and the blood. You were leaning your head against the tiled wall and peered your (E/C)'s into his. You cried and wiped your eyes with your good hand.

"If you're going to kill me just get it over with." You pleaded. But he stood still. "Ben, please kill me." You shook your head and held it in your good hand. "Just kill me!" You shouted and just cried again.

"I'm not going to kill you, I never would live with myself." He whispered and crouched down to you. He wiped some tears of your face and looked at your arm. "Why?" He asked, motioning to the large cut on your arm.

"Because I can't live with myself anymore." You mumbled and looked down. You were to weak to keep your head up.

"I'm so sorry (Y/N). This is all my fault." His hands flew to his head and he pulled his hair, spinning in circles.

You let out a small sob, "well you're not wrong." You said softly.

He grabbed your hand gently and of course you were wary but you let him have it, you were to weak to fight. You were sick of fighting. He rubbed your hand gently, "I remember as kids you would do things like this. I was always concerned and asked what happened but you said you were just clumsy. Now I know the truth. It was because you struggled with life and wanted to get away from it." He lifted his other hand to your cheek and rubbed it with his thumb.

"Ben, deep down I know you're a good person. But, I could never forgive you for your actions." You spoke tiredly.

"I know. I understand." He held your chin and rested his forehead on yours. "I didn't expect you to forgive me."

"I never will Ben."