The New Kid

Chapter 16

I leave the kitchen and walk upstairs into my temporary room. I pull out my phone and see the screen with no notifications. I didn't want to talk to anyone anyway. I just wanted to be alone and think about things. I grab my headphones that are sitting on the night stand and plug them into my phone. I scroll through my music and find "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. I touch it and it starts playing. I knew the song, I just haven't actually listened to the lyrics. I just had it in my music just to have it.

I sat and listened for a minute, and every verse and the chorus described me. I just wanted for people to know who I was. I'm not the dark mysterious girl who sits alone writing poetry about dying while crying tears of blood; I was a girl with a darker look than other people who likes rock and alternative bands, who had a dad who loved her and who was the only one who understood her, and was wanting the world to understand what she's going through. It's just that they won't understand. They know my name, not my story.

At this point, I was crying. I wasn't just tearing, I was sobbing and actually crying. I missed my dad. I wanted him back. I wanted him to see me go to homecoming for the first time with a really nice guy. I wanted him to see me go to my prom with (hopefully) a really nice guy. I wanted him to walk down the aisle with me and see me continue my life as a woman, but everything changed when he died four years ago of cancer. The last day. The last sentence. The last moment we had together.

As I was sitting in the lone corner, I curled my legs up to my chest and was about to lose it. After a few seconds, I screamed at the top of my lungs. I stood up and started throwing anything I could pick up around.

I looked at  myself in the mirror. My face was red and blotchy, and behind me was a mess of broken glass and torn-up furniture. I stared for a second, then punched the mirror, which shattered into a million pieces. I looked at my hand which was pouring out blood with glass pieces in it.

I went to the bathroom and pulled the glass out of my hand. I winced every time a piece came out. I found bandage wrap and wrapped it around my wounded hand.

I walked back into the bedroom and laid on the unmade bed. I let stray tears roll down my cheeks. "Vanessa?" someone calls. I recognize the voice as Damien's. He continues, "Dinner's almost ready." I hear him walk into the room. I don't sit up or say anything. He comes over and sits on the bed. He asks, "Why did you do this?" I say quietly, "I just want my dad back." Damien stays silent for a while and says, "Everything happens for a reason." I sit up and look around to see the mess I made. It looked like a bomb went off. I say, "We gotta clean this up." Damien nods and stands up.

I quickly make the bed while Damien tries to pick up and vacuum the broken glass that once was a cup full of water. "What are we going to do about the mirror?" I ask. He replies, "I don't know. We're probably just gonna have to tell them what happened." I nod and ask, "Did you get the glass?" Damien answers, "I'm pretty sure." I nod again.

We walk downstairs to see Grandma and Mom setting up the table. "Do you need any help?" I ask. Mom says, "I think we got it." I nod.

About ten minutes later, everybody gathers into the dining room. We all hold hands and pray, then sit at the table to eat. I sit inbetween Damien and Mom. Mom looks at my hand and asks, "What did you do to your hand?" Everyone at the table looks at me. I hesitate and say, "I'll tell you after dinner." Mom says worringly, "Okay."

After dinner, I help Grandma clean up the mess because Mom was in the shower. "Thanks for helping me, Vanessa," she says. I reply, "No problem!" Grandma looks at my wrapped up hand and asks, "What happened?" I hesitate and say, "Come with me."

I lead Grandma upstairs to my "room" and show her what was the mirror. She looks, gasps, and asks, "What made you do this?" I answer, "When we brought up Dad earlier, I lost it." Grandma hugs me, and I cried into her shoulder. She says with sympathy, "It's okay, Honey." 

Someone comes into the room and gasps. I look up to see Mom with her hair wrapped up in a towel. "Vanessa," she asks, "why did you do this?" I let stray tears roll down my cheeks and said, "When we brought up Daddy earlier, I kinda lost it." She walks over and sits down on the bed with me and Grandma. She rubs my back and says, "It's okay." This made me feel really good on the inside and out.

***

I pack up my stuff and go downstairs. Mom is already in the living room with Damien and Grandma. (Amanda and her parents already left.) "We're gonna head outta here," Mom says. I go over and hug Grandma. She says while I was hugging her, "We'll replace the mirror." I giggle a little, and reply, "Good. I feel really bad." Grandma says in response, "It's no big deal." I then go over to Damien, who already has his arms open for a hug. I hug him, and somewhat whispers, "Stay strong, kid." I smile a little and say, "Don't worry, I will."