Once upon a blur

Once upon a college

We fake everything, as a way to get us through life, not realizing, that fake, has become us.

Upon my arrival, I called Lissa to tell her I'd arrived. It was 6:00 am and I was well rested. Lissa on the other hand was very tired.

"Oh, so now you call me. I was trying to call your bloody phone all night." Lissa was panting heavily on the other end.

"Sorry, I had terrible jetlag. Wait, you're breathing heavy. We're you...with him!" I realized something I didn't want to know and Lissa's silence answered it all.

"Nevermind, whatever. Anyways, it's around 9 there. How was school?" I asked in my desperate attempt to change the subject.

"I had doctor's appointments today, so I wouldn't know." She said. Followed by a long silence. Possibly because the activity she had recently participating in, but I was trying to ignore that. It was the last thing I wanted to be thinking about.

The silence following was unbearable and a tsuris. I immediately began to shake. I wasn't as close to Lissa as before. My dad and sister are dead because of my mom, and because of that, she's in jail. My little brother is alive. The love of my life died. I am in freaking PARIS and in college at fourteen. I am trying to hide it from everyone, but it wasn't because of how distant Lissa and I's conversation had gotten, nor just because I had jet lag, or anything. As I grew somber, my lip began to quiver once again.

I sniffled before quickly spitting out my last words: "Sorry Lissa, I-I have to go now, bye."

Lissa didn't know what to say but I didn't give her a chance. I quickly hung up before I even finished. I quickly ran to the top of the building. It was only 4 stories high. High enough. I repeated in my head as I finally let the tears rush down. My eyes flooded with shame. How the heck can I do this to myself. All these amazing opportunities and I am so freaking selfish that I want to kill myself. "Oh god." I screamed as loud as a could. "Oh god." I said redundantly, buy this time I slurred my words as I was actually, for the first time in a long time, letting it all go. I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket. I wiped my face before hearing a voice in my ear. I was not surprised when I heard him answer because I called. I was surprised that he was still saving me from myself...as usual.

"Hello Hidey." Garret said, as if he were expecting me to call any moment, when, in reality, it had been years.