Misery County

Chapter 3 - Part 1

"Eric fuckin' Weber, you look no different to when we last had that drink five years ago." A portly man in a deputy sheriff uniform embraced Eric with the biggest bear hug in the world, or at least the biggest in Missouri County.

"I wish I could say the same, Jerry, but you seemed to have aged about a century," Eric responded, his voice muffled by the man's shoulder. "So what's the deal? You spying on me or something? A parking lot greeting is a bit more than I expected."

"I recognized your car, you dumb bastard. You're still driving that old Crown Victoria."

"How the hell did you do that? This parking lot is full of Crown Victorias. I'd think 'round the back of a sheriff's department would be the best place for my car to blend in."

"When you've been a cop long enough, you can tell the law enforcement Victorias from the civvies," Jerry said, still not letting go of Eric.

"Right, I see. Well, look here, Jerry, as much as I enjoy the aroma of aftershave mixed with your sweaty stench, could you maybe find it in you to let go of me now?"

"Of course, of course," Jerry said, releasing Eric from his clutches. "Eric fuckin' Weber," he repeated. "It's so good to see you, buddy."

"Yeah, you too, Jer. Hanging out together here is certainly better than doing so out in Iraq."

"Do you still think about it? The war, that is." Jerry's smile dissolved as the topic changed.

"Surprisingly, no. Dealing with insurgents seems like playtime compared to what I've been keeping myself busy with." Eric returned Jerry's somber expression. "I guess that brings us to why I'm here."

"I guess it does," Jerry responded. "I'm not gonna lie, Eric. The first time you got wasted and told me about what you'd been doing - hunting monsters and the like - I thought you were just bullshitting me."

"That was before I sent you the imp head in the mail." Eric smirked.

"How the hell did you even get that through the - you know what, it doesn't matter. What matters is that something huge is going on here."

"Yeah, you said so over the phone," Eric drawled.

"I've actually lost count of the dead. I'm not even joking. We've got more cases than we can keep on top of. Not that the department's even trying."

"They're passing them off as animal attacks, you said."

"Animal attacks for the gory ones, and suicides for the cleaner ones," Jerry corrected.

"And what do you think is causing them?"

"No idea, buddy. That's why you're here."

"Right, of course." Eric's gaze shifted from Jerry's face to over his shoulder. "Not to tear apart the case before I've even looked into it, but you guys seem to have a stray dog problem."

Jerry glanced over his shoulder to where Eric was looking. "That's a coyote. We don't got any strays around these parts."

"But you have many coyotes."

"I can't say we do, but it's not completely unheard of for them to come out of the woods from time to time."

Eric's eyes were locked with the coyote's.

"I know what you're thinking, Eric," Jerry continued, "but no coyote could have done what was done to these corpses."

Jerry continued speaking, rattling off statistics of coyote attacks, but Eric wasn't listening. His gaze was fixed on the coyote. He could see the intelligence in the canine's eyes, and he hated it.

"...only two deaths in the past half-century, and that includes one in Canada. Hey, buddy, do you want me to tell you a good place where you and that coyote can get a room?"

Eric snapped out of his hypnosis as the coyote slunk away. "How so very thoughtful of you," he returned dryly. "So, do you guys still have any of the corpses on ice? I'd hate to have to dig up a grave."

"I thought you'd never ask. When you said you'd be coming over last week, I convinced the sheriff to not release the last victim's body to the family. They weren't none too happy about that, but the way I see it, if you can save some lives, it'll have been worth it."

"I tend to agree. So when and how am I going to sneak into the morgue?"

"Oh, we don't need any of that skullduggery, buddy. I've created a cover for you."

"A cover? I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Don't be. Just go with it. Come on." Jerry flashed him a reassuring smile before turning around and walking into the sheriff's department.

Eric followed close behind.

The inside of the sheriff's department looked quaint. Missouri County wasn't particularly big, neither in geography nor in population, and the department matched that. Nonetheless, there were plenty of deputies and administrators going about their business.

"Excuse me, you. Yes, you," a deputy sitting at the front desk called out to Eric as he innocently gestured to himself.

"He's with me, Bill," Jerry responded, slapping a hand on Eric's shoulder.

"Ah, you must be that - uh, what did you say he was again, Jerry?" the deputy asked.

"He's a consultant from the ASPCA. He's here to pinpoint what animals are causing the attacks and advise us on how best to deal with them," Jerry said with unwavering confidence.

"Uh huh, and does he speak?" Bill looked over at Eric.

"I do indeed speak. I just didn't want to interrupt the sexual tension between you two," Eric replied.

"Great, he moonlights as a comedian too. Well, funny man, consultant or not, I need you to sign in and collect a visitor's badge," the deputy said matter-of-factly.

"Aw, come on, Bill. We don't need to go through all of that, do we?" Jerry tried.

"It's hardly an arduous procedure. It's not like y'all have anything to hide, right?" Bill glanced at both of them with suspicious eyes, though Eric couldn't tell if he was just joshing with them or if his suspicion was genuine.

"What would we be hiding?" Eric broke the silence, a disarming smile accompanying him. "Where do I sign?"

Bill handed him a clipboard with a sheet full of names clipped to it. As Eric signed in, his eyes drifted over the other names. He recognized one. It can't be, he thought, but he'd have to figure this one out on his own. Asking about the name would bring unwanted attention to both of them, and Eric knew that wouldn't bode well for either.

"Here you go," Eric said as he handed the signed form back to Bill.

"Great. Here's your visitor's badge. Keep that on you at all times and make sure that it's always -"

"All right, Jesus," Jerry interrupted. "Can we just go now?"

"Fuck it. You know what to do. Get out of my sight already," responded Bill, and once again, Eric couldn't quite tell if he was being genuinely hostile or just fooling around.

He couldn't find the will to care enough, so he quickly followed Jerry as he strode deeper into the building.