Misery County

Chapter 6 - Part 3

"Oh sweet Lord, that is rancid," Eric said between gags.

"I hope you're not chickening out, tough guy."

"Hardly. It's just that – would it have killed you to leave a window open or something?"

"Come now, Eric, you know the difference would be negligible."

"I suppose you're right. In any event, we'll get nothing done standing out on the porch all day, so, you know, ladies first." Eric gestured to the open doorway.

"A gentleman, as always," Cassie sneered playfully as she walked in.

"Wow, I've seen less ruined houses in Fallujah." Eric followed her inside.

"Now, now, partner, no need to be rude about this lovely house. It's just a little bit... rustic, is all."

The two of them glanced through the open doorways into the neighboring rooms.

"I'll tell you what, a nice little cabin in the foothills of the Appalachians is rustic. This here is beyond disastrous. I feel like I'm contracting HPV through osmosis just by being in here."

"Neither HPV nor osmosis work that way, Eric. And besides, if you were to contract HPV, you would have done so from last night's merriment with that vile skank."

"Jesus Christ, Cassie, could you be any more hostile? Did you two even exchange any words, or are you just hell-bent on ruining my happiness like you did with that girl in Monterey?"

"Monterey? That girl was a literal prostitute! Literally! You would have woken up to an invoice sitting on your bedside table. I saved you a Benjamin and probably AIDS."

"Oh look, Cassie's playing the Everyone I Don't Like Is A Prostitute game."

"Why can't you just accept that I was looking out for you?" Cassie said, fully aware of the bizarre role-reversal that implied. "More than that, I'm disgusted and more than a little angered that you would think that I'd try to sabotage your happiness."

"Oh, so then what's with the constant harping on Nevena?"

Cassie had a perfectly valid answer for him, but she thought about what he'd said – about his happiness with this woman. She found it laughable that he could have grown so attached to someone he met in a bar the night before, and while hammered beyond any reasonable limits, but she begrudgingly admitted to herself that it wasn't her place to judge or decide what Eric does with his life and whom he spend his time with.

"Well? Do you have anything to say, or are you just going to rest your ass on your high horse?" Eric prodded.

"Look, partner, do whatever the fuck you want. It's none of my business."

A look of genuine surprise appeared on Eric's face. "That's a more reasonable response than I expected, to be honest. My little girl's all grown up," he said, batting his eyelashes in the most exaggerated fashion.

"Can we get down to business please? We've been sitting in this nasty-ass house and arguing about crap next to a putrefying corpse for the past few minutes, and my nose is about on the verge of taking its own life."

"Ah, so you admit that it's a nasty-ass house!"

"You're fucking impossible."

"And you're –"

"Oh my God, Eric, go find a light switch or something! Or are you competing with the corpse over who can make me more sick?"