Misery County

Chapter 19 - Part 1

"Hail the conquering hero!" a deputy called out as Deputy Bill tossed Eric into a holding cell.

"Is this the guy?" another deputy asked.

"The one and only," Bill responded proudly. "Mr. Eric Weber, AKA Mr. Horatio Nelson, AKA Mr. Edward Kenna – well, the list goes on, but this is our man."

"You're gonna have a rough time in here, boy," the first deputy said to Eric through a mouth full of rotting teeth.

"Christ almighty, could you be any more of a stereotype?" Eric retorted. "And you don't need to call me 'boy.' I'm at least a decade older than you, even if your teeth tell a very different story."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" said the deputy, standing up from his chair.

"Nothing. I was only commenting on your youthful beauty."

"Is he trying to compliment me or is he being gay?"

"Maybe it's both," the second deputy said.

"Don't listen to this snake," Deputy Bill said to his colleagues. "He's a slick talker, and he'll use his words to bend you to his will. You're best off just ignoring him."

Eric was silently counting his blessings. Now that he was an alleged cop killer, the less attention the deputies paid him, the better. But alas, it could never be that easy.

"You know," the second deputy began, "Snyder was a friend of mine."

"Really? You seem quite a bit below his intellectual level, and that ain't saying much in Jerry's case," Eric said.

"Your insults ain't gonna help you here, Mr. whatever-the-fuck-your-name-is."

"Ah, but how can I resist when you make it so easy?"

"Resist or don't resist – it's all the same to me. You can do the same when I'm caving your face in. You know, these cameras in here, they don't work so good all the time."

"Well, I can recommend a good technician you can call for that." Eric was putting up a brave facade, but he didn't like where this was going.

"I think you and us are going to get very well acquainted," the first deputy said.

"I'll be honest, I don't know what the correct grammar there was supposed to be, but it sure as hell wasn't that."

"We've got ourselves an educated man in the house," the second deputy said.

"Well maybe he can give us English lessons between poundings," said the first, a cruel laugh accompanying him.

"Educated? No," Eric said. "It's called not being illiterate, but hey, if you boys play really nice, I might be coaxed into teaching you the alphabet."

"You're really digging yourself a deep hole, you –"

"What are you guys standing around for?" Deputy Bill interrupted.

"What do you mean?" said the first deputy.

"Did you just hear that?"

"The thing about Mr. Weber teaching us the alphabet?"

"No, you fucking moron, the transmission that just came over the radio."

"Aw, no, I've got my radio off."

"Yeah, so do I," said the other deputy.

"What the fuck? Are you guys not on duty?" yelled Deputy Bill.

"Well, as you can see, we were a little preoccupied with our new playmate here," said the second deputy.

"So why the hell does that mean that you have to switch off your – no, forget it. We have to go. There's been two separate reports in the last minute of people attacking and possibly cannibalizing others near Charles Creek," said Deputy Bill.

"People are... eating each other?" the first deputy asked.

"Sounds like it. McCullough, you take the one at the gas station on Sunrise, and Harris, you and I will take the one at the diner. Sounds like there are a few injured there." Deputy Bill was the same rank as the other two, but leadership seemed to come naturally to him.

That wasn't the main thing on Eric's mind, though. "Listen, Captain Kirk, you gotta let me outta here. I can help."

"You must be joking," Deputy Bill said.

"No, look, I know what's going on. The attacks are caused by zombies. They were controlled by a necromancer. Or I thought they were controlled by a necromancer. I killed him, you see, and I thought the zombies would simmer down or drop dead or whatever, but it looks like they're capable of independent thought or there's another necromancer or something. I don't know, but –" Eric stopped talking once he realized that the expressions on the faces of the three men ranged only between bewilderment and amusement. "I'm telling the truth," he pleaded. "If you just let me go, I can be very useful to you."

"You're going to be very useful to us in that cell, you nutjob," the first deputy said.

"Heh, 'nutjob.' Good one, Mac." the second deputy said.

"OK, enough of this. Let's go. You guys know what to do, right? Good. Let's scramble."

"Aim for the heads!" Eric shouted out after them as they ran out of the room. "A bullet to the brain and they go down. Just aim for the – ah, fuck it." The deputies were already out of earshot, and they weren't listening to what he was saying anyway.