From The Dining Table [H.S]

Chapter 18:

I spent the whole rest of the drive back to Nikki's apartment thinking of what I could do for her to forgive me. What I could say to make her not think of any of those bad things any more.

I couldn't think of anything that would compare to what she's worth. Everything I thought up, I knew she was better than. Every single word I thought of saying, I knew she deserved better.

Because that's who she is to me. She deserves the best. And I want to give it to her. And I know throwing money at her, tossing around sex and love, that's not going to do it for her.

To be honest, I didn't even think she was that angry to start off with. I think she was just a little annoyed and I needed to explain things to her. But as we drove to my house, I kept pushing her, and not treating her right. And now she's pissed. She's even more angry than before and I know it's my fault.

We arrive at her apartment and I stop and look over at her. She didn't even say anything, just opened the door and proceeded to walk out. I wanted to say something to her but I knew she wouldn't listen.

I wanted to say good bye. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. I wanted to get out of this car and hug her and tell her everything would be okay. But there she goes, walking to her apartment.

I frown, seeing the last of her walking inside and the door close behind her. A wave of depression hits me. I can't believe I just let her go. I just let her walk out of my life possibly forever.

I don't tell people I love them. I don't really love anyone. I mean, sure I love my family and my friends. But I mean a relationship 'love'. I've never felt that for anyone.

So when I say I love her, I know it's true. I've never felt this way about anyone. I believe me and her are soul mates. I believe we were put here, on this earth, to find each other, to be with each other.

And I just let her go.

No.

I'm not going to let her just be angry at me. I need to explain myself. And it doesn't come with practicing a speech or telling her something that'll make her blush. It's about speaking from my heart. Because that's everything I want to give her: my heart.

I turn off the car and get out, walking to the apartment and knocking on the door.

Mack, her roommate, opens the door. She looks me up and down before giving me a fake smile, "I don't know what happened, but I don't think she wants to talk to you right now" she says, before trying to close the door.

I put my hand up, blocking the door from ever shutting, "Wait let me come in" I say, trying to step into their apartment.

She blocks me, by putting her body in the doorway, "I told you she doesn't want to talk to you" she repeats and I sigh.

"Listen, Mack, I messed up. I need to just see her. I need to explain things to her. Please, let me in" I say, not trying to force my way through anymore.

"Did you cheat on her already?" she asks, shocked by her own accusation.

I shake my head, "No, I didn't! I would never hurt her like that" I say honestly. I never want to hurt her period. That's why I'm here trying to get in. I don't want her to hurt.

"Then what happened?"

I take a deep breath before explaining to Mack how she thinks of me as a player and she believes she's just another girl in a line up. "But it isn't true! She's so much more to me. She means everything to me" I tell her, "And the fact she's in there, sad, or mad or angry or all of that, that makes me devastated!"