From The Dining Table [H.S]

Chapter 56:

I had gone to my home to spend the night there. I didn't need to be anywhere near Nikki.

As I think about what happened, I realize we both were a little out of control. And both for different reasons. She was drunk. And I was tired and over worked.

I wake up whenever I do. I don't bother to set an alarm. It was about 11:30. I get up and get dressed before I drive to her apartment.

I knock on the front door and there's no answer. Her car was outside so I know she's here. I knock again and I still don't get a response.

I try the door handle and lucky for me it's unlocked. Which makes me slightly nervous. I slowly walk into the apartment and look around. Nothing looks changed in here. I go to her room and open the door and she isn't there. I look around and don't find her.

The last room I check is the dining room and I see her laying on the ground where I left her. She was crumpled in a ball and fast asleep.

My heart breaks seeing her like this. It breaks more knowing I left her and did this to her.

I kneel down beside her and rub her back softly. She moves around a little bit before opening her eyes and looking up at me. She smiles but then it quickly fades when I'm sure she remembers last night. Or maybe she didn't. I don't know.

"I thought you didn't want to be by me" she says softly, rubbing her eyes. Yeah she remembers.

"I thought about things, Nikki" I say and I help her stand up. I bring her to the chair I was sitting in yesterday which was right next to her.

"About what?" she asks, almost seeming scared to ask.

"About us. About what happened last night" I say and she nods. I squat down in front of her legs that were pressed together. She was looking down at me.

I hold her hands in mine and place them in her lap and look up at her. I try to keep my emotions to a bare minimum.

"Look can we just forget last night" she says before I can say anything.

I shake my head, "I don't think I can, Nikki" I tell her, "We both said some mean things to each other."

She nods, "I know, but Harry, I was drunk. I didn't mean any of that and I know you didn't either. I was pushing you to get you angry" she explains. It's nice to talk to her about this when she's sober and we are both ready to talk.

I nod, "I know, I know" I tell her. I play with the engagement ring in her finger and swallow a lump in my throat, "Nikki, you may have been drunk but you said things that you had to have been feeling."

She shakes her head, a tear dropping from her eyes, "No, Harry. I know nothing bad happened. I know you're loyal to me" she says, trying to make me feel better about it.

I shake my head too, "No, Nikki. You may say that. You may know it. But I know that somewhere deep in your brain you're scared I'd cheat on you" I say softly, looking away from her.

"But I know you won't."

"And I wouldn't dare. I couldn't live with myself if I did that to you" I say and she smiles, thinking we are getting some where. But this was only part of it.

"Nikki" I say, "I feel awful about now telling you I was going to Jamaica. I should've told you. I should've came and spent at least a week with you before working more" I explain to her. All of it was true. It was all my fault. I know that.

She nods, "Harry, I didn't know if that was you ghosting me" she says, "I thought you wanted us to be over."

I shake my head, "It wasn't what that was. I promise" I say, "I just wanted to get rid of all distractions" I tell her, "Bad or good" I say rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand.