Random thoughts of Louie

Forgiveness

My family's full of fucking selfish, controlling, impulsive, dishonest people. Let's get that out of the way first.

Scrooge is by far the cheapest person I've ever met, even more so than me. And he rushes into things so fast, sometimes we don't even have time to give him a reality check.

Uncle Donald is ridiculously overprotective. If I fell and scraped my knee as a kid, my leg was wrapped in three or four layers of bandages and I wasn't allowed to walk for the rest of the day. He lied a lot too. About the world, about Scrooge, about mom.

Huey's unknowingly a control freak. If one too many things goes wrong, he'll lose it. He was kinda bossy when we were kids, though he didn't seem to realize it. I don't think me and Dewey even got the guts to not listen to him until we were like 7, he was fucking scary sometimes. Even now, if he takes a very specific getting more mad tone, we do what he says, no further questioning. He's the oldest. He's in charge.

And Dewey- Aw fucking Dewey- there aren't enough synonyms to idiotic in the dictionary to describe this guy, but I'll try. Absurd, asinine, balmy, crazy, daft, demented, dopey, fatuous, foolish, flipped, fruity, hairbrained, insane, loony, mentally incompetent, moronic- well you get it. But those are all from 1 internet search, and I didn't even look that deeply. Dewey runs blindly into danger, only caring about his adrenaline rush. He's chosen his thrill seeking over his family more than once, and in our family, that's a line you don't cross.

There have been times that I've had mental issues stemming from my family's lack of morality. Hell, my brothers used to shove me down so much that I tried to kill myself once. They've made me feel stupid, worthless, weak, you name it. And my uncles didn't care enough to notice.

But looking back to that time, I find it hard to be mad anymore. Huey and Dewey never meant to hurt me, at least not to that extent. And the reason Donald and Scrooge didn't do anything was because they didn't know. From their perspective, it was brotherly teasing and competition. And, on the outside at least, I laughed it off. To them, everything was fine, until it wasn't. It's like with guns. This random guy used his gun properly and legally... until he didn't.

And when I think about it, I can kinda see why my brothers always wanted to beat me, and each other.

As a whole, they want to stand out. It's hard to do that when you have normal siblings, but if you're a multiple, especially and identical one, it's a lot harder. Some people still can't tell us apart, and we don't even look that identical anymore. They both want to be the one of us who's known for something. And they thought they needed to fight for that.

For Huey personally, I think he felt he needed to prove that intelligence beats all. He was always bullied for being the small one. He really wasn't, he was only like a fraction of an inch shorter than me and Dewey, but I'll admit, it was a visible difference. Kids knew him as the nerd. The weak one. The one who will scream like a lunatic if you push the right buttons. And that's not his fault either, it's just how he is. Dewey's describes him as a pressure cooker, but I think the easier analogy is a balloon. He can only take so much before exploding. He just wanted people to respect him for his one asset that exceeded everyone else's: his mind. So he aced every test, joined every academic team, won every spelling bee, you name it. And he seemed to use me and Dewey as markers. If he could beat Dewey on a test, he was above average. If he could beat me, he was in his own league, 'cause not to brag, but I almost always got the second highest score.

Dewey's the attention starved middle child, at least in his own mind. In a way, he embodied what I wished I could be. He was confident, brave, and thought he was amazing. In other ways, he made me cringe. He was an impulsive, "act first ask questions later" kinda guy. But he did it in a way that everyone loved him for it. But... I think he felt he needed to prove to himself he could stand out from me and Huey. So, he joined band, theatre, baseball, and after I became a waterboy for the football team, he joined that to rub it in my face. Because no matter how "cool" he was, it was never enough for him. He needed to keep pushing forward to make a name for himself. And I don't think he ever really got over that.

I even kinda get why my uncles acted the way they did.

Uncle Donald had lost a lot in his life, including his own twin. He wanted with all of his might to keep her kids safe. He figured, if we couldn't do anything, we couldn't do anything dangerous. Thus, the overprotectiveness. And the lying was a result of that. If we didn't know anything, we wouldn't do anything.

Scrooge is a bit harder to figure out. Look at it this way: he started at the bottom, shining shoes in Glasgow. Now he's the richest duck in the world. So many people probably treated him like nothing as a kid, told him he'd never amount to anything. And he beat them all. It makes sense he'd be protective of his prize. As for his impulsive running into danger, he wants to be relevant. It took him hearing that kids thought he was a has been to even start adventuring again. He wants people to know Scrooge McDuck is still tougher than the toughies, even if it means he's not being smarter than the smarties in his snap decisions.

So, yeah, my family's full of assholes. But, I can't be mad at them for it.

They all have their own reasons for how they act.

They never meant to hurt me.

And I forgive them.

Welp, here's another.

I actually have another already finished, so who knows, I may post that today.

Bye!

-Anwyn❤️