Outcast

chapter 11

liam and zayn are texting in the beginning of this by the way :).

25.9.17 (2 days later)

zayns pov

from ; my baby <3
hey zayn , i'll be heading over to niall's in a few minutes to stay the night. we all haven't seen you in a couple of days .. d'you wanna come to his house and spend time w us all ?

to ; my baby <3
sorry baby i have some family stuff that i'm trying to work out. :/

from ; my baby <3
you said that yesterday :(. but alright .. i love you z. text me if you need me or still wanna come over. <3

to ; my baby <3
i'm sorry love. i'll talk to you later. i love you. goodnight.

***
i didn't have any family issues going on. i just haven't gotten out of bed since liam left. i've been a disaster. my heart hurts really bad and i have never cried as much as i have in these passed two days.

i've literally never been this way. i'm just an emotional wreck. my mum wants to get me into counselling. but i won't let her. that's a waste of money. i don't need help. i just need to get myself in the right state of mind.

***
2 weeks later.

i woke up from a little nap. by little i mean i woke up at 9am, got out of bed to go to the bathroom, went back to bed. now i'm awake and it's 4pm.

i grabbed my phone off my nightstand to check my notifications.

9 snapchats from 'nialler' 'baby' 'haz' and 'lou'

12 missed calls from mum

2 missed calls from 'niall'

1 missed call from 'louis'

1 missed call from 'harry'

5 missed calls from 'my baby'

15 messages from 'niall' 'my baby' 'harry' and 'louis'

i haven't been on my phone in a few days. i locked myself in my room about 3 days ago. haven't eaten. haven't showered. i miss all my friends. i miss li. i miss my family.

but i'm too broken. i don't want them to see me like this.

i stood up out of bed and walked in front of my mirror looking at myself.

i looked horrible. my hair was dirty and all over the place from not showering and being in bed. i wasn't wearing a shirt so i looked at my body. ribs showing from not eating for a few days.

i had stubble from not shaving. my eyes were red and puffy from crying. dark bags under my eyes.

my heart sunk to my stomach at the sight. tears strung my eyes as they threatened to fall. impulsively, i whipped my arm around and smashed my fist right into the glass of the mirror.

it shattered. my knuckles bled onto the broken glass sitting on the desk part of my dresser.

i looked at my hand, now bloody and soon would be bruised and swollen.

i heard quick steps up the stairs. sounded like a few pairs of feet.

fuck.

i heard a light knock on the door.

"z-zayn? i know you're in there. please just.. let us in?" i heard liam's soft voice come through the door. i unlocked it and then went and sat on my bed.

crying lightly. two reasons. my hand hurt like hell and i missed my boyfriend and bestfriends.

i felt so destroyed.

the walked in slowly. when li saw my bleeding and swollen hand he ran over. "zayn w-what the hell did you do?" he asked sadly.

he walked to my bathroom and came out with a wet cloth and a first aid kit.

***

15 minutes later and i'm all cleaned up. liam, niall, louis, and harry all came over to check on me. niall, louis, and harry all sat on beanbags on the floor while li sat next to me on the bed where i was laying.

"what the hell were you thinking z?" niall asked while looking at the bloody glass that was shattered on the wood of my bedroom floor.

"i was angry with what i've turned into. i haven't left my bed in a few days. i locked myself in here. my mum hasn't even seen me yet. i'm an awful person i know." hot tears filled my eyes and my vision got blurry.

i laid my head on my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping the hopeless emotions would go away so i wouldn't look weak and utterly broken in front of the people who had only ever really seen me as strong.

i looked up though with a sharp turn to the doorway when i heard a slight knock. i saw my little sister, waliyha, looking at me with worry in her eyes that no twelve year old should have.

"zaynie.. why haven't you come out of your room? i miss you..." she said with a sad, shaky tone. my heart absolutely broke when she began crying in the doorway.

i got up and walked over to her, embracing her in a big hug.

***
louis' pov

when zayn walked over, as he was wearing no shirt, i looked to where he used to have toned abs and a very nice body. now you could see his ribs and sunken in belly.

***
hey babies. i'm so sorry i haven't updated in so long. i've been very lost in school and family and drama and shit.

it's summer now so i'll be back to writing.

i love you guys so much.

-maddy <3