quiet [h.s]

five

i wake up to not the sound of my alarm, but the sound of a mug breaking on the floor? it takes me a few seconds to realise that i wasn't at my home alone, but that i had harry over. i never ever had a guy sleeping over, even though he slept on my couch, i have never been this close with a boy. as i'm slowly opening my eyes and getting up, i think about how yesterday night harry and i almost kissed.. the whole situation was so awkward when things didn't lead to what i think it was. i don't know why i let myself be influenced by whatever he was doing, this needs to stop.

i make my way to the kitchen, seeing harry cleaning up the broken pieces of the mug. when i look closer i see that it's the mug i got from sam for my 18th birthday. i loved it so much. "i loved that mug" i say with disappointment in my voice. harry turns around quickly, and i now notice that he hasn't got a shirt on or pants for that matter. i look at his body but quickly look away, my gaze is broken when he speaks up,

"yea.. i tried to make some coffee for you, but i dropped it.. i'm sorry, i'll buy you a new one" his voice is low and raspy, he can't be awake for long because this sounds like every morning voice you have ever heard on tv. he stares at me, furrowing his brows. "uh i'll clean this up, it's nothing, you can take a shower. i still have some clothes of my dad in my bedroom, i can give you them to wear?" i say to him and he smiles at me, going to the bathroom.

i clean everything and make some coffee while i'm at it. i'm in the mood for pancakes so i make some and some extra for harry. after this i go into my bedroom and take an old t shirt and sweatpants from my dad. since he died, i kept my favourite clothes of him. sometimes i wear them and i feel 5 again, wearing his shirts that are way to big, laughing at me running around. i miss my parents more than anything, and i'd give all that i have if that meant that i'd get them back.

with the clothes in my hand, i walk over to the shower and knock on the door. i place the clothes in front of the door and make my way back to the kitchen. i'm placing everything on the table and take place on one of the bar stools, grabbing the newspaper. i hear footsteps and i see harry coming from the bathroom, fully clothed with wet hair. i smile at him, the sight of him hurts me a little.. seeing another man besides my dad wear these clothes is just very strange.

"i made you coffee and pancakes, i didn't know if you wanted syrup or not.." i say to him and he takes place on the barstool next to me. "yea i like them better without," he says and i agree. we eat in silence and i start to relax a bit, having no sounds other than us eating makes me feel a bit like myself again. but then the fact that there's a boy sitting next to me that i barely know, makes me tense again. "how are your wounds now?" i ask him, i still see that the cuts on his cheek are the same like last night.

"okay. it doesn't hurt. again, i'm sorry that i came here instead of going home." he looks intensely at me, like his eyes are looking into my soul. i just nod, looking back at my pancakes and taking the last bite. i stand up, placing my plate in the sink and going to the bathroom. it may be rude for harry but the last thing i wanna do right now is talk. i'm already so overwhelmed by everything, suddenly in three days i've done so many things that give me anxiety that i can't take anymore of this.

when i'm changed into shorts and a top, i go outside of the bathroom and back into the living room. i see harry sitting on the couch, on his phone. i grab my phone and car keys, "is it okay if i drive you home, harry? i wanna go for a run and i think you have work or such." he stands up and walks towards me until he stands only a few inches from me. "you go running like this?" he whispers with his low voice that just got so dark. i nod and stare right into his eyes, i feel my heart beating faster and the room getting hotter, "i wouldn't know what to do if i saw you running like that.." he says and he looks at my body, slowly placing a hand on my lower back, making my breath stop for a second. "..i think i wouldn't be able to control myself."