Simple, → Peter▵MJ

Entry One

Dear Simple,

I know you said I could talk to you whenever I needed, so here it is:

I think I'm suffering from Autophobia. The great fear of abandonment. I think I've had this fear all my life, but it's really starting to eat me up. Annoyingly tearing me apart.

Luckily, tomorrow, school starts back up from winter break.

I guess I'm excited, I really don't know.

You know I don't have any siblings, so it's always a quiet environment in my house. Mom isn't around much anymore. She's working these really long and weird hours nowadays. My mom is never home, and sadly, I think I prefer it that way. She's always stressing me out by stressing over me. You see my predicament?

Dad still drives around the country delivering certain 'packages' to certain 'important' people. I'm pretty sure that means that he's selling drugs, but I don't judge. He's good to me, and I'm pretty sure selling drugs pays well. The check he gave me on my birthday was enough to last me a good three months... school lunches and all. (plus any snack i'd like for the walk home.)

Dad is coming back soon, I think. I'm actually ready for our next 'adventure'. No matter what we decide to do, we will always end up in the ocean with our clothes on. (even our socks, i know, ugh.)

Dad broke mom's heart so many years ago, that it's hard to forget he's the bad guy. Mom works so hard, and she earns a steady income because she works so hard. I hate seeing that look in her tired eyes when I mention dad. Especially around Christmas. That's the worst.

I think my dad broke my heart all those years ago, too. But I might be wrong.

I'm always looking for reasons why people might hate me. Ever since- well, ever since my dad walked out, I can't help but feel like I'm the reason why. But that's ridiculous, right? Half of the U.S. deals with at least one shitty parent, right?

Everyone has been abandoned at least once in their life, so I guess I'm just being sensitive. Maybe I'm just saying these things to make me feel better. Let's face it, my dad wasn't the only person to leave me. Surely, there must be something wrong with me.

Dad didn't even send me a Christmas card with a cheesy note this winter.

I would have liked a cheesy note.

Simple, I've only ever been able to tell you these things, and you're not even here. I don't even know if you're still alive. I'm starting to think you've abandoned me too.

Hopefully, when I get back to school, my disappointing, dad-less Christmas, will fade away with all the homework I'm bound to have. My teachers really know how to get anyone stressed-out solely on homework.

Homework. The true unrecognized superhero.

Spiderman is shaking in fear with his leather-tight tights. I just know it.

Love, MJ.