Words Are All

Twelfth Letter: JJ

Date written: September 11, 2016
Dear Tim,

You are the love of my life. It hurts more than anything else that you are gone but I'm glad you aren't hurting anymore.

I spent all of the ninth and tenth with you, in that 'disinfected, white Hell' and said my goodbyes. I cried more than I ever have before and cursed Fate or whatever did this to you, to us until I felt like my voice would disappear. You looked so peaceful on that bed, like you were just napping and would wake up at any moment. I went to war but you were the one whose life was ripped away prematurely. You're only twenty-five and already you were wronged in the worst of ways.

I put in for military retirement and they granted it. My proof of my Major rank is going with you since you were the real soldier Tim. This letter will also rest with you.

Jewels tried to give me her condolences. I told her where to shove them. She didn't even have the courage to tell you to your face, the coward! I told your parents where to shove theirs as well. Your father's face never got so red before. It would have been funny if it hadn't been about this...

Dodgson sat with us the entirety of the ninth and tenth while I blubbered. He really is a good guy like you said. He helped me get through pulling your plug this morning. Without him, I'm not sure I could have stayed in the room while it happened. I held you hand the entire time so you'd know I was there.

The army offered to have the burial in the military cemetery. I accepted. You'll be buried with other soldiers and, in the future, right beside me. I hope you can forgive me for not being there while you were suffering. I didn't make it back in time and I will always blame myself for that.

Tim, you are the only person I have ever and will ever love in this lifetime. You are my soulmate and I thank you for being part of my life, even if it was painfully short.

In the next couple months, I'm going to adopt a baby. His name will be Tim. He'll grow up knowing about his brave namesake was and be proud to have your name. He'll know how great you would have been as a parent and that, even though you never met him, that you love him endlessly.

I love you Timothy Langston-Andrews. Until we see each other again.

J.J.