Words Are All

Eleventh Letter: Tim

Sent: September 3, 2016
Received: September 7, 2016
Cpt. J.J. Andrews
US Army Base
Cairo, Egypt

Dear J.J.,

I'm so sorry J.J. My body can't take it anymore and neither can I. Dodgson found the source of the problem and it can't be fixed.

I've been in the hospital since my last letter and haven't gotten any of yours. Dodgson is the one that mailed this for me since I can't leave my hospital bed. A machine is keeping my heart beating for now and my lungs need help to breathe. Dodgson told me that I have until the eighth, at the most. After that, Life Support will be the only thing keeping my body alive while my brain rests forever. I'm dying J.J...

The pain meds aren't strong enough but anything stronger will kill me faster than my heart will. I'm sorry to unload all of this to you but I don't want anything left unsaid.

The book flopped. I finished it and turned it in on time. Jewels was right about it not spending time on the publisher's desk, he read three pages and dropped it in the trash. He called it swill and basically told Jewels that she needed a new client, or to find a new job. She dropped me J.J. like he did my book. She called the hospital and had Nurse Always Smiles give me the bad news. My heart seized so badly that the Dodgson almost used the defibrillator right then and there. He's stayed with me everyday so that I'm not alone in this disinfected white Hell.

I tried to stay relaxed but it didn't help. I'm not going to see you again and that's the worst part. I'm not afraid to die J.J. but I'm afraid to lose you. I'm just so sorry that I can't handle it. You're my Captain America J.J. and you're the best hero anyone could ever have. Dodgson told me that in his medical opinion, you're the sole reason I made it this long. He also said that the costs of my appointments are nulled. He's a really great guy...

I love you so much J.J. Everything I own is yours. This acts as my last will and testament. My parents are to receive nothing, which is more than they deserve. I know they'll keep me on Life Support until you can get back, so you can say your goodbyes. The hospital is under strict order to bar anyone who isn't you or your family from my room. I want to say mine now.

Goodbye J.J. You are truly the greatest person in my life and the only love of it. You singlehandedly made storm clouds into sunshine, sadness to happiness. I hope that Buddhist idea of reincarnation is true because I'll look for you in the next life. I'll never stop looking.

Goodbye my love. I'm so sorry.

Tim