Okay so this is really short pretty sure it's my shortest chapter ever but hope you enjoy anyway. I'm really busy and I just want to update tomorrow and possibly Tuesday after Tuesday there won't be an update till the 10th of July. I'll be writing in that time I just won't have wifi. Don't forget to VOTE!!
"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Anger pulses through my veins and clouds my every thought. Frustration clenches my hands and pulls through my hair. How dare that man attempt to black mail me? With fake documents no less! I will not react to this I will not react to this I will not react to this. I sing this mantra over and over in my head. I inhale a bug gulp of breath and exhale.
"Okay, Alexander. Your fun is over, can I get back to work now?" he gaps at me in shock, his mouth closes and opens in a weak attempt to speak.
"Yes, yes fine go back to work." he quickly stammers." I smirk to myself as I walk away that'll teach him to mess with me.
Imagine the audacity of him blackmailing me. I get straight back to my office and get to work. The day passes by without any other incidents and I go home happy with the fact Alexander steered clear of me.
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I'm half buried in the mountain of clothes I'm trying to pack when there's a knock on my door. I fight my way out of the seemingly harmless pile of clothes and make my way towards the door. Of course it's Alexander; he stands there in a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a plain t-shirt with a box of chocolates in hand.
"A peace offering for my absurd behaviour today." he looks up at me sheepishly clearly fearing rejection. I open the wide and step aside.
"Come on, may as well eat them with me." A boyish grin spreads across his features as he enters. He makes himself right at straight away lounging out on the couch.
"Well are you going to eat your peace offering with me or watch me eat?"
We sit down together in a comfortable silence eating chocolates. I couldn't remember the last time I had been so relaxed. I always wear a mask; I let the world see what I want. I'm always alert, always waiting for the hit that never comes. Always prepared for my secrets to be revealed. Secrecy is the ultimate weapon; it makes sure your opponents never know your strengths or weaknesses you make them see the person you want them to. Secrecy and deception, they're what I live by. Not dreams of love and happily ever after. Life has been far too cruel for me to believe that all that actually exists. Cold darkness and pain is all I've ever been given. It's why this particular mission suits me. As a lawyer your moral compass is tested to its limits. We defend murders, rapist and serial killers. Defend the crimes they've committed and still say we are good on the inside. I've never been able to say I'm good on the inside, so it doesn't bother me defending the guilty and sick minded. I am a dark soul trapped in night without any stars of hope to guide me to the light. I will forever be trapped here. No one could free me from my prison of pain. I've been battered bruised and abused for as long as I can remember. My heart is ice and nothing could ever thaw the constant ice that billows through my heart. I learned a long time ago to not feel, feelings they destroy, they will kill you if you let them. That is why my heart is ice and my soul is night. I refuse to be hurt by anyone, not anymore I made that choice a very long time ago. Alexander sees a weak helpless girl, like I want him to, but it's strange he makes me feel, really feel. That heat that radiates from his skin to mine is something I have never known but I cannot let it get in the way of my task. I have a job to perform one that will only hurt him and me if I let it.
My thoughts are interrupted by Alexander. I'd completely forgotten he was even there. "What has you looking so serious? You've been staring at the wall for the past five minutes like it was giving you the worst news you ever heard?" he laughed at me, amusement shone through all his features.
"Nothing important, I just got lost in thought." I brushed him off. If only he knew what was to come. I needed to cut him off. No more friendship I can't hurt him more than I have to. He is the first thing I've really cared about and I cannot let my darkness cloud his light. For the first time in my life I'm taking someone else's feelings into consideration and it absolutely terrifies me. This is all alien to me caring about someone, about a man. I've already deceived him enough as it is. He doesn't need to get to know Mona Cordell. She isn't real. She isn't me. He'll only be left devastated when I go, so to save him pain I'm going to cut my own happiness short. It must be done.
"Alexander, I think after you help me move in, we should keep this strictly professional. No more house visit. Only business. It's better for the two of us. Don't you think? I mean people will get the wrong idea about why I was hired won't they?" I added stuttering to my speech to keep up the weak girl façade.
"Oh, no I get it Mona, you're not interested this is a brush off I understand completely." He spits at me and storms out of the apartment. The slamming of the door shakes my whole body. It wakes me to the realisation of what I've done and for the first time in over 15 years I feel pain. Burning through the ice of my heart and searing it in excruciating blinding pain. I cry for the first since I was 5 I cried. I cried for the man I lost the family that I never knew and the life I could have had, had I stopped being stubborn. I was a fool I actually thought nothing would break me. that I was indestructible because I didn't feel, that didn't make me stronger, it made me so much more weaker.
I slumped to the floor and sobbed, I sobbed through 11 years of pain and suffering. I sobbed all night never moving from the floor and as the dawn lights broke through the windows blinding my dark soul and showing it the light I sobbed even more because I couldn't bear to think of the things I had done. My soul was reawakened, it was battered and bruised and punishing me from the inside out for all the wrong I had done. I wasn't strong or fierce or a master of deception anymore I was a broken shattered woman who was finally facing the consequences of her actions.
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PLOT TWIST!!
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