Disconnected (Amnesia Sequel)

6 - Prayers

'Ashleigh don't forget to pack in extra clothes for Kay.'

'You're telling me what I need to pack in for Kayla. You need to chill.'

'I'm sorry just over thinking.'

'Clearly.' I roll my eyes.

After many days of Ashton trying go convince me to go to L.A with him, I finally gave in. It's not that I didn't want to visit Luke, it's just that, that place holds soo many memories, not all good. Although I can agree that I need this. I've been falling off the tracks and I need to go back and find myself again.

We drive to the airport. Not gonna lie, I'm terrified. Hayes and Ashton take all our backs through customs, while Kayla and I sit in the restaurant. We wait for about hour till our flight gets called. As we walk up to the gates I hear a familiar voice call my name.

'Ashleigh!'

I froze. There is no way.

'Ashleigh baby please. Don't go.'

'Nathan.' I whisper.

Hayes and Ashton are in front of me. They don't notice I've stopped until the running footsteps start to draw near. Ashton turns around and starts to run to me and soon Hayes follows. But they couldn't move fast enough.

'Hey my love.' He smirks while pulling me in for a hug.

'A little too tight.' I breathe into his shoulder.

'Come here Kayla.' I hear Hayes shout from a distance behind me. Kayla lets go of my hand and runs towards him.

Nathan doesn't let go of me, he continues to squeeze me.

'You're hurting me.'

'I missed you. Baby I'm sorry for everything I said.' He smiles into my shoulder.

'Please let go.' I cry.

Ashton runs up behind me and manages to get me out of his grip. He pulls me away and we walk towards the gate. Nathan can't follow any further without a plane ticket. I sigh of relief even though I know that won't stop him from getting to me. Just as we reach the gate, I turn around, to see him walking away in the opposite direction. It's not like him to give up like that.

Ashton doesn't say anything to me the whole flight. Hayes and Kayla slept through the whole thing. As for me, my mind was full of thoughts. About Nathan. About Ashton. About Luke, and how I'm not ready to go back there. And of course about Calum. Cal has been on my mind a lot recently. Small things around me have reminded me of him. If I happen to run into him on this trip I really don't know what I'll do, or what ill say. Considering the fact that the last time I saw him over a year ago, when I left. I asked him to come with me. It was his choice, whether he came or not.

We arrived in the early hours of Saturday morning. Ashton organised everything. We stayed at his parents guesthouse, which is close to the house I grew up in. Although I was very against coming here, it just feels like home. When I made the decision to move to Manhattan, I was in a very bad place, I was depressed, hurt and I just wasn't myself. There was nothing, no one could do that would make me feel myself again. It was time for change. Cailey had the same idea and that's how our business started.

The next day

After sleeping pretty much the whole of yesterday, we decided that it would be the right time to go visit Luke. After Church. I walked to the chapel and I prayed a bit. The thought of returning to the street I use to live on and going to the gravesite where I burried my best friend. I just prayed for strength to get through this.

Kayla and I were just about finished with church when Ashton fetched us. We immediately started driving down one of the many road I used to play on as a child. Back to the days when Megan was still in the picture, all was well and fine. No one had said anything in the car until we got there.

'Lets do this.' Ashton smiled.

We got out the car, the cold fresh air hit my face. I just had to take a moment.

I'm really going to do this.

I take Kay out her car seat and put her down on the floor.

'Kayla. Listen to me baby.' I smile as I wipe her hair out of her face.

'Do you remember this place? Do you know where you are?'

She nods her head.

'Dad. Dad.' She yells as she points towards the head stone.

It nearly brought tears to my eyes.

'Yes baby girl. We are going to visit your dad.' I smile as I stand up and take her hand. I wipe the tear from my cheek. Ashton comes from behind and holds my hand.

It feels like the walk of sorrow. I'm still grieving. I haven't stopped. How could I? I'm the legal guardian of his child. He died trying to save me.

Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. Grief is just love with no place to go. I've discovered that the hardest part of losing someone, isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go.

Kayla and Hayes sat on the grass next to his headstone. While Ashton and I sat on the bench, watching from a distance.

'Are you okay?'

'How am I suppose to be okay?'

'I was just asking a question.'

'A stupid question.'

'I'm sorry Ashleigh.'

I rested my head on his shoulder and let my mind wonder.

I couldn't wake up. I heard the noises of the machines around me. And the people coming in and out of my room. I felt something grasp my hand. And then I heard his voice.

'Ashleigh...I dont think you can here me but here goes. Ashleigh White, you need to wake up because you have so many people here that believe in you..that trust you. Hayes cant grow up without a role model, your mom cant loose her only daughter , Ashton , Cailey and Megan cant loose their best friend... and I cant loose the love of my life. Ashleigh I cant loose you, you are my world , you are the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason I smile, the reason I still have hope. I know ive made many mistakes and that im far from perfect, but I love you and I cant live without you. You are the one for me. You are it for me. And I know that you cant hear me but I really do miss you and I love you with all my heart. You changed me Ash , you made me see the good in people you made me believe that theres a better side to everything and I love you for it. Ashleigh please be strong , please fight dont do it for anyone but yourself. I love you Baby.'

'Ashleigh?'

I get called from my thoughts. I open my eyes and see Hayes standing in front of me holding Kay.

'You Okay?' I smile at them.

'Are You?'

I nodded. We walked back to the car, and drove back to the guesthouse. I feel much better. After crying continuously for an hour, I felt at peace.
I finally felt at peace.

Much love xx