Smitten

chapter 2

off the sleeves

the days finished the same, small talk and a wave goodbye.  and as that week came to an end it seemed like it could begin once  more, I needed to do something that would break the small talk. that weekend I began to think of some new way to start a conversation, but not make it last  more than few minutes. when I text people its usually to my club members or my close friends like John, Nicholas or Todd. the four of us were playground friends who soon became friday night gamming pals during the summer. the clock annoyed me with the sound of its own ticking, it became harder to think now that my attention began to count each individual tick . It's easier to get distracted when you have to be focused with one thought.

the days don't go by quickly here considering the crime rate of this country nowadays,  most kids spend their weekend browsing the Internet or sleeping,  but there are few who have more complicated days than you do. I once read a two paragraph composition by an unknown author.

it said "God gifted some of his children with stories,  stories that the world or even one person would appreciate, stories that inspire, bring people to tears, ease pain, and simply make people feel like the world has beauty within everything,  but sometimes. this gift. starts out as a curse, one that shows the true meaning of pain, sorrow, guilt, and insecurity. this is what made the writers today, they feel real joy, happiness, and relief. they became used to the flak (criticism), and weren't so scared of embarrassment anymore.

these kids, will grow up stronger, these kids would know the difference,  these kids. They will change your life. when you decide what you would rather read, they decided to live, to show the other kids who don't see who they are or who they could be that there is a God out there, the puzzle may seem complicated, some pieces may be lost, but those pieces, these kids, can complete the picture and make it clear. "

upon reading this simple sentimental thought, I was wondering if anyone has ever seen one of those kids who when you see them you think "wow, that kid is going to be an inspiration someday! ". that was

Nichole,  the girl who wasn't hard to find, considering her confidence. I'm not a guy who goes for the best looking girl, just one I could talk to and not feel like I need to be someone else.

I checked my phone and as I scrolled through the contacts I saw Nikky and immediately deleted the messages. I thought, I will no longer burden myself with the memories...

it soon came time to get the table ready for lunch. my mom said we would be having guests,  of course I thought that it might be Hope and her family, so we could actually have a good conversation for once,  but of couse this is life and not a book and we had mom's business partners over and unfortunately I wasn't able to attend.  so I had to eat earlier than my mother. I had cereal and milk. I went up to my room to begin chapter six of my book for our group reading activity, Tuck Everlasting,  a creepy book about a family who drinks special water after marking it's tree eith the intial "T" on it and now they are more immortal than vampires.

the night wasnt unusual at at exept for the book, and a few other things like a car that so rudely drove in circles around the houses beeping and flashing it's headlights everywhere. finally it got quiet and dark again,  maybe they were lost or just dangerous drunk drivers. anyway I finally decided I should just ask for her to be the one that would start the conversation. the night ended with the sound of dishes and running water.

as I woke up I wanted to see if my mother would have a funny story about the night before. she told me " don't worry about it, it was only business,  nothing serious". I went on the bus that day and saw the rude car from last night parked, well actually placed on the lawn by the house of Carly with police officers alongside it. we reached the school and I went srtait to advisory class where I saw Hope playing with her curls and weaving some into her sweater.  I sat next toTodd and asked if we had any homework due today.

"no man, surprisingly there is some weird thing going on and we have to stay in class for it". I pondered upon the thought, maybe a country wide emergency or just another boring meeting that our parents should have been attending to, or just a new drill we have to practice or what not. anyways i had to confront Hope about the really weird hair weaving thing, it was just so weird to look at and i'm guessing it might be really amusing. and of course i made a silly comment on it as i sat next to her, "why are you doing that?", "because i'm bored out of my mind", she smiled and did that exhale type of laugh, "how was your weekend Hope, anything out of the blue? ", "not really, just catching up on some unpacking with my uncle", "do have any brothers or sisters?", "yeah, just a little sister,  how abput you Benevolent, any siblings? ", no just me.". we walked to the next class together and she started up a conversation, "Benevolent?","yeah?", "what happened to the girl from Drama? you never told me the whole story.","well first her name is Christine, and we were, best friends since the fourth grade, well when we were in fourth grade, she was always teased for being, well mature...", she laughed with a smile,"really, for being mature?" she replied while still laughing, i laughed too,"i know it's weird, but all the other kids thought that being mature was something to insult until now, i mean. look at all those kids now, they don't know a thing about responsiblity or any other thing besides the ugly they believe in.", she continued laughing while trying to keep a serious face expression." why do you talk like that, like your all playful, then you get serious, then now your sentimental, wait, wait, here's what you look like' she did a very (not really) convincing immitation of me.

the teacher came in and the chatting became silence then began slowly once more. i wrote a letter during the last five minutes, well actually the entire time.

Dear Christine,

i am writting this last letter because i thought to myself maybe i should let go, maybe it's time to start living without the regrets maybe, just maybe i could listen to what could happen, forget about their divorce, forget about my loss, forget about what i want, and start knowing what i need, but, i need to let someone know i'm leaving them behind, because Christine i need to forget you, you did and said things no one should, you destoyed the peace in my life and ruined me forever, now i need to forget to forgive anymore, goodbye...