boundaries | e.d

F i v e

Riley

Dinner was awkwardly quiet. The only sound to be heard was the clinking of our forks against our dishes and the gulps we consumed from our drinks. I wanted to say something. In fact, I had a lot to say. But nothing came out. I knew no matter what I would do, or what speech I'd advocate; they'd still go tonight.

"So," Ryder finally spoke to the other two people sitting at the table. Natasha turned to him with her best attempt of a smile, while I continued to stare down at my plate. "Riley, I was thinking you could go to the record store with me tomorrow?" His voice sounded so cheerful, as if he was doing his best to remind me he was still there. I smiled softly to myself, holding onto his words as if they were his last.

"If tonight goes well," I ate another piece of my food, expecting a lecture. But when I heard silence, I looked up to see his lips in a tight straight line. "I'm sorry-" I quickly backtracked.

"You have a right to be upset with me." He cleared his throat, holding Nat's hand. "I know you expected me to get a job-"

"Baby-" Natasha leaned closer to him as he got more choked up. He held her hand tighter, nodding to her before turning back to me.

"Riley, you deserve to know that I tried. Every part of me tried to be normal for you. No job out here would accept a high school drop out. I needed to support you in the way you deserved." My mind traveled back to Ryder and I having no family to look after us. The only cousins we knew of were in Arizona, and their falling out with our parents caused us to lose touch. "You got so sick at one point Ri, and I had days to save our apartment and give you proper care." His eyes were bloodshot as he tried to fight back his tears. "I met Jake and he helped me. He helped us."

"Ryder-" My chest warmed like whiskey with every ounce of emotion he poured out to me. I hated being treated like a child, but all this time I've acted like one. I never appreciated the troubles he goes through for my sake - too blinded by the people around him to realize he's still the same man.

"I love you Riley and I'm gonna make it back to you. I promise I will. I'm doing what I can." I jumped out of my seat, jogging around the table as he stands up to hug me. My entire weight falls into his arms with tears cascading down my cheeks.

"I'm so scared." Natasha gasps once she realizes the preparation we're enduring. I pull away and reach out for Nat who stands up and wraps her arms around us. She lost everything for my brother, their love is what I strive for. Only my story ends with growing old. He holds on to me with fear, regret, and love after all we've been through. Neither one of us let go of each other, silently acknowledging this could be our last embrace. The door sounds a few knocks and all of our heads turn towards the wood.

"We're gonna be okay." Ryder whispers on top of my head. "Do you need someone with you while we're gone?" He asks as more knocks are heard. Ethan. Natasha kisses my cheek and hurries over, letting everyone in.

"You ready, man?" Louie claps his hands with adrenaline, while the rest of the gang follows in after them. Ryder's eyes don't leave my face, waiting for a response before he leaves. I look towards the group and see Ethan covering his gun with his shirt, and I turn away.

"No, I'll be fine." I lie, swallowing the lump in my throat. Ryder nods and remains frozen in front of me. I take a breath, praying for courage as I step back for him to leave. He looks at me one last time, as he always does before he leaves, then turns away.

"Let's fucking go." He begins to lash out, grabbing the bag Natasha held out for him. She smiles to me and I reflect back to the days she hated their lifestyle and stayed home with me; putting on movies to distract the both of us.