Fighting On

E L E V E N

                   

"Not a fan of Wednesdays Lettie?" Alec asks harmlessly when he sees me seething whilst packing my bag.

"Yeah." I say more of a blank statement than a proper answer. He notices my closed off manner and like the gentleman he is, he leaves it alone. Thank God.

I know I definitely won't be able to avoid it all day (because of Luke mainly), but I can try. I finish packing my small black bag, now stuffed to the brim with text books and exercise books ready for a day of taking notes and keeping in tears.

It's the 17th of October. My birthday. Also meaning, it's my parents death day. The day marking the moment I entered the earth, also marks the day they left it.

Today it was almost impossible to get out of bed. A tear stained pillow was beneath me and my legs felt numb. My whole body was trying to tell me not to move, to just lie and grieve. While birthdays before the 'accident' were filled with joy and fun, ever since last year, even the thought of my next birthday was painful.

Yet here it is and instead of feeling nothing I am feeling way too much. Make it through the day, hour by hour and then it will be over. I tell myself that, yet I know that the emotions will still linger tomorrow and the next few days, possibly weeks, to come.

Today is best comparable to me violently ripping open a wound. I wound that over time healed over, not fully but it did mend. Now the months, a year, of painfully hard work is crumpled up and thrown away.

We both exit the apartment complex with close to no emotion on our faces. His usual passive features taking over and my torment worn like a picture across my face. The car ride, like many of our rides, is filled with silence and my shaky breaths. My eyes water but luckily no tears are shed.

"Scarlett honey, we decided this is going to be the year we finally grant your wish!" She tells me with her happiness bleeding through her words. She ushers me out of my bed and I see my Dad waiting outside of my room in the hallway with an excited grin across his features. What did I wish for?

I can't remember and excitement takes over my body. I crawl out of my Little Mermaid sheets I was once wrapped in and bolt past my Mother into the hallway and past my Dad into the dining room where I find it decorated head to toe in a Disney theme. Oh my crabs!

My Mum and Dad enter the room moments after me. My Dad holds a camera in his hand documenting the moment. My Mum just watches me bounce around the room and look at the different decorations. There are balloons with different characters like Jasmine and Belle!

My mind runs on overdrive as I take in the transformed dining room. Right in the middle of the table is a Mickey and Minnie Mouse chocolate cake! I have an OBSESSION with Disney! I have seen every movie, know every lyric and own several toys from the movies!

My Mum approaches me once more and puts something in my hands, which she had taken in her own.

"Happy birthday my Scarlett." She says once it is secured in my hands. I look down and let out a shriek of excitement. In my hands are three tickets to Disneyland! I strangle my Mum in a hug and launch myself onto my Dad soon after.

"I declare this the best birthday ever!" I squeal, wrapped in the warms arms of my parents.

"We're here." Pulled from my memory of my 8th birthday I look up to see that we are parked. There are several moments of silence before it is broken.

"What's going on?" He asks gently. I turn to face him and raise my hand to touch my tear stained cheeks to wipe away some of the streaks.

"It's my birthday." I say with fake enthusiasm and a small broken chuckle at the end, pared with a little hand shake indicating; surprise! He looks taken aback for a split second before remembering what I told him when I bore my story at the diner.